[INTERVIEW] Kim Jae-uck - Part 2

Kim Jae-uck [Lee Jin-hyuk/10Asia]

10: How was it having to prepare wearing high heels and mini dress on stage?
Kim Jae-uck: I actually invested quite a lot of money into buying women's clothes, cosmetics and high heels while rehearsing for my role. And my friend who helped me gave me 10 centimeter heels which I wore around the house so much that I became comfortable enough in them to run around in them. I also always carried my dress and high heels with me so that I could change into them for rehearsals. I wasn't used to wearing skirts so I sat with my legs open at first but a person's attitude changes depending on their posture so I practiced while keeping this in mind which helped a lot.

10: How big are your feet?
Kim: 275 millimeters. (laugh)

10: What's it like wearing a skirt?
Kim: Comfortable. I have a long khaki-colored skirt which is really comfortable because there's an elastic band for the waist. It's just that I can't go to the door when I get food delivered so I'll throw my wallet to my friend. (laugh)

10: Well, you've had your your sexual boundary become hazy by appearing in "Antique" and "Hedwig." What meaning does such experiences have for you?
Kim: I think they've helped me like myself a bit better. I had always wondered whether the notions or values I have from being born under a sound family with an older brother and moving between Japan and Korea, were formed from my own will. I had been questioning everything, starting with whether I'd be happy if I were to die one day after living my life like this. So from that point onward, I tried to rid myself of such thoughts as best I could. I started asking myself things like why do I hate sexual minorities, why shouldn't they live their lives like that, why is it bad to be a transgender. And... after I decided to take on "Hedwig," I dressed up as a girl and worked at a transgender bar in Itaewon for about a month.

10: Did nobody recognize you?
Kim: Not a single person. It was rather the people at the bar who were worried about me taking on the job when I first said I would, but I wasn't. And I hadn't intended on working there at first. I wanted to observe and talk to people, like I did for "Antique" by going to a gay bar, but the first day I went, I felt that I should be there more often. It was great hanging out and working with them every night. They were people who had already passed a line that ordinary people consider an absolute line so they were very free-spirited, easy-going and loveable. They were great help and I had fun. There were also a lot of times that I got angry. I mean, do other people have the right to criticize them when they just live life the way it's been handed to them, they haven't thought about these sort of things before and don't try to think about them? Yet at the same time, they too are very good and precious to other people so I didn't know how I should let out my anger. Hence I told myself that if I can't change everyone and everything, at least I should become happy.

10: So were you aiming at portraying a certain type of character in particular based on your personal experience?
Kim: Not really. It's just that it was an unfamiliar and serious experience so I came to act a bit coy and like someone that's difficult to approach which is probably basic attitude my Hedwig character has.

10: Does it feel very different standing in front of the public as a man versus a woman?
Kim: It does. It's actually more fun when I'm a woman. (laugh) There's a stronger sexual vibe I get from how they look at me. The same goes for the female members of the audience.

10: Well you've stood in front of the camera up till now, for movies and dramas, but somehow, you seem most as ease when on the stage live for "Hedwig," which you have no experience with.
Kim: Strangely enough, I don't feel uncomfortable. I trembled a lot up till the third show but it would stop once I go on stage. I don't know how I should act when I'm standing in front of people as myself but I think I'm okay when I have a character to act out or have a purpose to fulfill, like singing for Walrus' concert. I also have Si-on and Min-ki supporting the music for "Hedwig" perfectly so I don't think I felt much different from when I'm on stage as a member of Walrus.

10: Hedwig usually represents hope or salvation but it seemed like your Hedwig was more of someone who has resigned to life. Hence what do you think Hedwig's last moment will be like?
Kim: He becomes free by singing "Midnight Radio" and it's supposed to show the explosiveness or sense of liberation that comes from him having decided to live through music, not as a man nor a woman, but I haven't felt the liberty yet. It almost feels like he'll go back to living the life he did yesterday. That's why my heart feels heavy when I'm walking off the stage afterwards. I'm going, but without knowing where I'm headed.

10: But right before that, there's a desperate energy you give off from how you look at the audience with your clothes off and mashing a tomato in your hand.
Kim: I love that scene. He's shedding everything he has to show who he really is. And that's rather where I get the sense of liberation from. Everyone gets shocked when I start unbuttoning my top because that makes them feel extremely uncomfortable. It's in their face and they can't run from it. And I'm looking at the audience thinking, 'I wish you'd look at me. Not turn your eyes away. I'm sure there are many truths you don't want to face but look at me. You have nowhere to run anyway.'

10: You also play Tommy, Hedwig's lover, for the musical. I'm sure you express Tommy in your own way as well, just like you do for Hedwig.
Kim: That's why I had a hard time when recording the voice for Tommy. The Hedwig I played had become someone that's completely different from how other people play him so Tommy had to change just as much as well. He had to be a bit more of a lowdown. At least my Tommy. He had to be ambitious and someone with the mindset that he'll suck everything he can out of a woman. That's why I felt sort of a satisfaction when singing "Wicked Little Town" at the end. It was partly because I wanted forgiveness by singing the song but I was also showing the audience that this is how amazingly I sing as a rock star.

10: How did it feel different singing as Tommy and as a member of Walrus?
Kim: I love it when I'm Tommy. It's the first time in my life that I sang with so much pride in myself. (laugh) There's a tension that forms, something that doesn't appear when I'm with Walrus. I think all that I get out of singing with Walrus is pleasure. Whatever state I'm in, whether I'm drunk or forget the lyrics, I just like standing on stage with them. So we're really doing music for our own sake, not for acknowledgement of our talent.

10: You work in an industry where there are many things that don't go the way you want them to. A lot of things move according to convenience and the system. But do you think it's worth staying in the industry given what you've been able to do so far?
Kim: There'll probably be things that get even more difficult but the question mark I had in my head has turned into a certainty while working on "Hedwig." I've become sure of how I'll go about doing my current work in terms of the standard I'll apply to choosing roles or the mindset I'll be under when I'm not acting. I may not make much money because of that but the way I'm working will allow me to be happy, have fun and feel at ease.

10: By standard, are you saying that you'll do what you want to do?
Kim: What I want to do, what I can do well at and what only 'I' can do. The roles that I can do the best job with in Korea.

10: Lastly, is there anything you'd like to declare to the audience that'll come to watch "Hedwig"? (laugh)
Kim: Be ready to curse. (laugh) It may be arrogant and wrong of me to show people something that's different from the fun they've paid for but I think it's okay to have at least one person like this. And if nobody will be that person, I might as well.

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Reporter : Choi Ji-Eun five@, Jang Kyung-Jin three@
Photographer : Lee Jin-hyuk eleven@
Editor : Jessica Kim jesskim@, Lee Ji-Hye seven@