[Voices of the MZ Generation Column] A Weapon to Overcome the Emptiness and Anxiety of Life

Looking back on a year, sometimes it feels like life has passed by in vain. At such times, looking at photos of my child from the beginning of the year makes that feeling of emptiness disappear.

It feels too empty to say the year was meaningless because the child has grown so much. A child at an age where they grow rapidly each year has developed so much that they are almost unrecognizable compared to the beginning of this year. They speak more clearly, can read letters better, and have grown taller. Seeing this remarkable growth, it’s impossible to feel that the year was wasted.

While I anxiously endured each day, the child grew up in the home I protected. It’s similar to feeling proud when, after spending a year managing a greenhouse frantically, you see the plants bearing abundant fruit inside.

Sometimes, I feel like a dark monster is always chasing me from behind. The moment I stop looking ahead and living diligently, the moment my motivation breaks, it feels like that monster will catch me. Realistically, if I don’t work even for a month, I would immediately be burdened by credit card debt, so the monster may not show itself but surely exists.

However, if there is a way to overcome such emptiness and anxiety, it might be to find that something growing amidst the scattered days. First of all, the existence of a child itself drives away the emptiness and anxiety in my life. As long as the child is here, my life cannot be meaningless. Thinking that I am the solid soil and fertilizer supporting this small life to grow vigorously, there is no stronger sense of stability.

I am doing my part. Likewise, even if I suffer from anxiety and restlessness, when I see the child smiling in front of me, I gain the strength for another day. I gain the power not to lie down helplessly or neglect life. Similarly, if I have a few more things like this child in my life, they could serve as a means to protect my life. In other words, to soothe the emptiness of life, fundamentally having something that 'accumulates' would be good.

Looking back on this year, if I only went to work, earned money, and spent money, the sense of emptiness would likely be great. Instead, if I learned to play an instrument, started exercising, read good books, and kept reading records, that itself accumulates 'fundamentally good things' for me. This accumulation makes me feel that something has been left in my life, just like the child’s growth. And such 'leaving behind' or 'accumulation' requires a bit of determination or courage.

Fortunately, as the saying goes, once a child is born, they grow on their own, so parents’ courage is not directly necessary for the child’s growth. However, for me to learn a new sport or art, I need the courage to move forward with that learning. The courage to overcome the initial awkwardness, the courage to overcome the embarrassment of initial difficulties or clumsiness. After that, gradually something begins to 'remain.' When time is not just spent but something is left and accumulated, it will become a daily weapon to overcome the emptiness and anxiety of life.

Jung Ji-woo, Cultural Critic

This content was produced with the assistance of AI translation services.