[One Thousand Characters a Day] Person, Your Flower Language Is Loneliness <2>

Editor's NoteLee Dong-young, the author of ＜Saram-a, Neo-ui Kkotmal-eun Oeroum-ida＞ (Human, Your Flower Language is Loneliness), experienced extremely lonely times during his teenage and twenties. Although he was naturally prone to loneliness, his heart had developed calluses from the wounds inflicted by the world and people early on. It is said that the most effective medicine for wounds is the pus that comes from them. His experiences of hitting the emotional bottom also provided him with painkillers to cope with it. One of these ‘medicines’ was writing. He says, “I write every day to keep living. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning until I close them at night, I write down the sounds of the world and the sounds inside me. I believe that if I keep living, luck will find me again.” Word count: 862.

Later, I heard that while crossing the crosswalk, a dump truck accidentally hit my tiny desk mate because it didn’t see him. The vivid description of the situation was quite a shock to my young self. For several years after that, whenever I saw a big truck while walking, I would stop, caught in the absurd illusion that a pink dress might be hanging there. This continued until I was in the upper grades. Slowly, as time passed, the one emotion I managed to sort out was:

Loss.

The reality that someone close to me could suddenly leave one day without a word. The moment the concept that no one stays by my side forever was established as an undeniable truth. Perhaps because I learned about farewells too early, I often found myself dazed by the hollow sense of loss left behind by those who suddenly left, a feeling no one could blame.

I would endlessly stare at a single desk, marked with several layers of pencil lines that I had drawn more than anyone else. Those lines had now lost their meaning. I had to spend my first grade without a desk mate and went through elementary, middle, and high school years where it was difficult to get close to anyone.

“You’re going to leave silently anyway.”

My relationships were filled with distrust. Instead of preciousness or urgency, futility and betrayal dominated my heart. After my desk mate’s accident, forming new relationships became something I cautiously approached without even realizing it. That event was a ‘turning point’ in my life.

Human, your flower language is loneliness.

This phrase, which was also the title of a poem I wrote, did not come from my head but was forged in my heart.

I often say that all relationships must be premised on ‘the possibility of leaving each other at any time’ to be sustained healthily. Loss is deeply engraved in the heart when one faces a farewell without accepting this premise. Let us not allow loss to defeat our lives.

This is how I endured.

- Lee Dong-young, ＜Saram-a, Neo-ui Kkotmal-eun Oeroum-ida＞, illustrated by Lee Seul-ah, Daban, 16,800 KRW