[Power K-Women] "Difference is not necessarily loss... It allows us to see more deeply and broadly"

Raised by Deaf parents, faced the world's pity from childhood
Innate awareness of the 'meaning of difference'
Issues like Japan's military comfort women and the T?rkiye earthquake
Ultimately, the question of 'how to empathize'
The expressions of disabled people and citizens remain unchanged from 20 years ago
Urging empathy through films 'Take the Bus' and 'The Way to School'

[Asia Economy Reporter Seo Mideum] "Pain may appear as loss or deficiency, but it is not necessarily so. Thanks to it, I was able to see more deeply and broadly."

This is the statement of writer Gil Bora Lee, who published the new book The Illusion of Empathizing with Pain (Changbi). As a CODA (Children Of Deaf Adult) with deaf parents, she often encountered premature sympathy from the world since childhood. People who looked at her with one-sided pity simply because her parents had disabilities and she was raised by such parents. She expresses concern about words and actions that, even if based on goodwill, can be interpreted in a flat and superficial way, saying, "People with disabilities may feel uncomfortable when non-disabled people focus on their deficiencies." However, she does not mean to blame or suggest distancing from people with disabilities. Rather, she leans toward saying, "When mistakes happen, instead of being excluded, let's learn from them and think together about how to overcome them."

The writer was born to deaf parents Sangguk Lee and Gyeonghee Gil. She took her name from her parents' surnames. While in her first year of high school, she went backpacking across eight Asian countries. After returning to Korea, she did not go back to school but continued her own learning through writing, traveling, and video production. However, her situation was not easily defined. Even the terminology was unsettled. Existing terms like "dropout youth" or "homeschooler" did not fit her experience. She coined the term "roadschooler" to describe her situation of learning life on the streets and captured this process in the film Roadschooler and the book The Road is School. She also portrayed the world from the perspective of deaf parents in the film The Sound of Shining Applause.

The writer has believed that language has the power to define reality. This is why she has always been obsessed with finding more precise words. For example, she refers to her spouse as a "partner" for this reason. She explains, "Words carry background and context, and I do not want to follow them blindly. It is also an effort to find more accurate words. I call my spouse 'partner' because it conveys a sense of equality."

Artist and film director Gil Bora Lee. Photo by Younghan Heo younghan@

"What does that have to do with me?... The question of how to empathize"

Her perspective has always included "difference," "loss," and "pain." Based on her innate background, she naturally became aware of the meaning of difference and added subjective study and reflection to realize that "difference does not only mean pain or loss." She also learned that pain can allow one to see more broadly and deeply.

Her film highlighting the issue of the Korean military's massacre of Vietnamese civilians is in this context. The 2020 film War of Memories shed light on the massacre of civilians committed by the Korean military during the Vietnam War. The seed planted by this film in Korean society has recently sprouted, leading to a court ruling recognizing the Korean government's responsibility for the civilian massacre in Vietnam. She said, "It is the first case acknowledged by the Korean government and a result made by all of us, so it is very meaningful," adding, "As a director and a Korean citizen, it is very important and joyful."

However, the writer expresses concern about the lack of empathy among young people she experienced during this process. While some say that Vietnam should be apologized to as well as Japan, others treat it as unrelated to themselves, showing indifference or negative views. She says, "Young Japanese people also say about the Japanese colonial rule and the issue of Japanese military comfort women, 'Why should I know about it?' or 'Why should we apologize?' based on the same logic. They might say that the earthquake in Turkey happening at the same time has nothing to do with us, but ultimately, it connects to the question of how to empathize."

Artist and film director Gil Bora Lee. Photo by Younghan Heo younghan@

"The Illusion of Empathizing with Pain"

There are cases where goodwill underlies sympathy and compassion toward disabilities. However, one-sided pity can be rude. Especially if the person with a disability does not perceive their disability as pain or deficiency. In fact, the writer's father does not consider his disability unfortunate, saying, "I would want to be born deaf again." The writer explains, "Abroad, many people with disabilities proudly embrace deaf culture. In fact, there was a case where a deaf couple demanded genetic procedures to have a child with hearing impairment and even went to court. From a non-disabled perspective, people might say, 'How can they do that?' but that can ultimately be an illusion of empathizing with pain."

Anyone can be a subject of such illusions. The writer herself is no exception. Regarding a recent court ruling that gave a suspended sentence to a mother who cared for her disabled daughter for over 30 years and then killed her, she initially thought it was a "good ruling." It recognized society's responsibility for the difficulties faced by people with disabilities and considered the mother's devotion. However, after listening to the stories of people with disabilities, she realized she could think differently. From the perspective of people with disabilities, the ruling was seen as a frightening precedent that could justify murder. She said, "At first, I viewed the case simply, but it was not something to be seen superficially. I am continuously updating and renewing my thoughts," urging many to join in such reflection.

"Neither the claims of people with disabilities nor the expressions of citizens watching have changed in 20 years"

Given her deep understanding of people with disabilities, we asked her opinion on the nationwide movement by the Solidarity Against Disability Discrimination for the rights of people with disabilities, which takes place in subways and other places. What she emphasized was "understanding the context." She said, "Many people focus on the 'present,' asking 'Why do they block us from going to work?' or 'Why do they hold citizens hostage?' but it is necessary to see the hidden background." She added, "If you watch the 20-year-old film Report on the Struggle for Disabled People's Right to Mobility ? Let's Ride the Bus, you will see Park Kyung-seok, the young leader, saying the same things as now. And the expressions of the citizens watching are also the same as now. We need to think about why the same story has to be told. I hope we can talk together about how today's discussions are no different from those 20 years ago." She urged paying attention to the context behind actions. She recommended watching the film for free on YouTube, saying, "I hope many people watch it and share diverse reflections."

In the film The Way to School, which depicts the journey of disabled students to school, parents say, "No matter what your body is like, please be born as my child again." The writer says, "For many people, pain does not only mean loss. Rather, it can allow one to see a bigger world," and she hopes "many people will have the experience of empathizing with and understanding them."

▶About Artist Gil Bora Lee

She is a storyteller, writer, film director, and artist. While attending high school, she traveled abroad and did not return to school but continued her own learning. She coined the concept of "roadschooler," learning life on the streets, and documented this journey in the film Roadschooler. She later produced the film The Sound of Shining Applause, portraying the world from the perspective of deaf parents, and the film War of Memories, which captures the memories of various subjects surrounding the massacre of civilians by the Korean military during the Vietnam War. Her books include The Road is School, You Can't Know Unless You Try, We Are CODA (co-authored), and I Speak for You.