[Side B] Kim Chanyoung, 6 Years Living with Same-Sex Partner: "Small Discriminations Make Me Feel Miserable"

A Proud Minority for a Better Non-Mainstream World

Gender Identity in College
'Hong Seokcheon Coming Out' as a Great Support

Mysterious Figure at the Company Worked for 2 Years
Now an 8-Year Activist with 'Chingusai'

Kim Chan-young (right) visited a friend's ranch in Okcheon with his partner and received a tree as a gift, symbolizing their wish for happiness, which they are planting. (Photo by Kim Chan-young)

[Asia Economy Reporter Hyunju Lee] "A few days ago, I found the item I was looking for at the mart, and without realizing it, I loudly called out 'Honey, come over here,' and my eyes caught on people. I try not to care, but there are moments when I feel intimidated."

Kim Chanyoung (35), who responded to the interview with a consistently calm and composed attitude, raised his voice tone slightly at that moment. We met Kim, a full-time activist at the LGBTQ+ rights organization 'Chingusai' and active in the 'Network for Guaranteeing Family Formation Rights for Sexual Minorities (Gagunet).' His activist name is 'Nakta.' Feeling different from his friends around late elementary school, he began to identify himself in college and started living as a gay man from then on.

He struggled internally for quite a long time before coming out. When he started to worry about his identity during his school years, he wondered if it was something he had to hide. Kim said, "I could live hiding my natural feelings and emotions and showing a different side, but I wondered if I really had to do that," adding, "In middle and high school, I read books on psychoanalysis alone and then found internet cafes, which gave me some relief." He added, "I suffered severe stress thinking it was a problem only I was facing without telling anyone, but when the big event of Hong Seokcheon coming out happened, although it was not a positive media coverage, it became an experience that made me realize there were celebrities like me."

It did not take long for him to tell his parents. He gained courage by meeting many good people through Chingusai after moving to Seoul. Physically separated from his family home, he decided he had to tell them soon. He expected some shock from his parents. His mother blamed herself, saying, "When I was pregnant with you, I ate raw rice like that, so I think that caused the problem." He said, "She did not show it much, but she struggled a lot because of the unfilial feeling that the family line would be cut off."

Kim did not have serious conflicts with his parents. He said, "A few years later, I had a meal with my parents and my partner, and after that, my parents said it was a relief that I was not suffering alone and told me not to cause trouble and live well."

"Why is Assistant Manager Kim so effeminate?" "Why are Assistant Manager Kim's hands like that?" "Why can't Assistant Manager Kim grill meat?"

He was a 'mystery' at his company. After graduating from university, he worked at a regular company for about two years, but the vertical culture and the male-dominated atmosphere troubled him. Kim recalled, "It was harsher than I thought, and I realized I was not someone who fit into this culture," adding, "Each thing was stressful, and I did not want to repeat it, so I quit my job."

Kim said, "When people take five days off for their honeymoon, or when someone gets married, they pay money again. They deduct it regularly, but nothing comes back. It's a small thing, but it makes me angry. It makes people miserable."

Photo taken at Haeundae Beach in 2014 (Provided by Kim Chanyoung)

Now in his mid-30s, Kim lives with his partner. He has been living with his partner, who is four years younger and whom he met in his late 20s, for six years. Their home is a youth happiness housing located in Hong-eun-dong, Seodaemun-gu, Seoul, a rental unit for a single household of about 11 pyeong (approximately 36.4 square meters). Although small, it has a closet, kitchen, bathroom, and living room, offering a better environment than a studio apartment. The closet and bedroom are combined, and the living room is arranged as an independent space for relaxation. Kim said, "We started our first home in a studio, but since two people lived together, we decided to move. It was very difficult to rent a two-room or larger jeonse house with our income, but luckily, we won the lottery and moved in last October."

Kim expressed regret, wondering, "What if we were newlyweds?" because if they had won the happiness housing as newlyweds, they would have lived in a more comfortable housing environment. Kim and his partner each applied as single households and were each selected. He said, "When the move-in notice arrived, I was surprised to see a clause during the pre-visit that people who are not direct family members other than the winner cannot visit the house," adding, "I feel there is no safety net for us within the system, so many gay couples living in Seoul often feel constant anxiety about how to live."

"Is the youth generation only seen as a preliminary stage to becoming newlyweds?"
Someone's daily life, for someone else, something only possible by enduring stares

The happiness housing where Kim currently lives allows a maximum stay of six years. However, if one gets married, the stay can be extended, and newlyweds can stay longer if they have children. He said, "If same-sex marriage were recognized, everything else would follow, but sexual minorities cannot even obtain the status of guardians for each other," adding, "I am thinking about how to resolve even the small rights we encounter in daily life."

Recently, sexual minorities have been sharing their daily lives directly and gaining social support. Stories like lesbian couples preparing wedding rings without prejudice before marriage, confidently holding wedding ceremonies, or same-sex couples combining airline mileage are like refreshing news that empower each other. However, for some, these are things only possible by enduring stares.

"There are always small inconveniences. Especially when lesbian couples look for a house, people say indirectly, 'You two must be very close,' but look at them with suspicious eyes... We have to be cautious even unconsciously; that's the reality."

Twenty years ago, in September 2000, when the millennium began, Hong Seokcheon came out. Two generations have passed, and it is now 2020, the setting of the sci-fi comic 'Space Wonderkiddy,' but the social pressure felt by sexual minorities has not decreased. The Constitution of the Republic of Korea stipulates that 'Marriage and family life shall be based on the dignity of the individual and the equality of the sexes and shall be maintained and guaranteed by the State.' However, sexual minorities are still excluded.