"Focus on What You Want, Not What You Want to Avoid"
Goals Must Be Achievable and Within Your Control
Many people set goals that fit their own situations to mark the New Year. However, in reality it is difficult to achieve those goals unwaveringly over the long span of a full year.
Now that one month of this year has already passed as of February 17, if your New Year’s resolutions are starting to waver, it may be worth listening closely to this advice. According to the South China Morning Post (SCMP) on the 17th, Hong Kong mental health expert Sonia Samtani began by saying, “Only a very small number of people keep their New Year’s resolutions, and most give up by the end of the year.”
Why do New Year’s resolutions so often fail?
Samtani diagnosed the frequent failure of New Year’s resolutions as stemming from the fact that “people try to change the behavior itself, rather than their behavioral patterns.” New Year’s resolutions tend to focus only on what needs to be done differently.
For example, “eating better, exercising more, and speaking up more.” But we often lack a fundamental understanding of why we engage in those behaviors in the first place. Every action is a response to something deeper, and is connected to our unresolved needs and emotions.
What advice is there for people making New Year’s resolutions?
Samtani offered four pieces of advice for people who set New Year’s resolutions.
First, frame your New Year’s resolutions in a positive way and focus on what you want, rather than on what you want to avoid.
Second, set goals that are achievable and within your control. It is helpful to ask yourself, “What can I do to move toward this goal?” This might involve setting a timeline and making a plan, deciding on specific courses of action, or finding alternatives to change your existing habits. You should also understand why you behaved that way in the past and look for new, healthy solutions that fit those reasons.
Third, it is important to examine your belief system. Strengthen the beliefs that support your goals, such as “I have self-control, so I can do this,” or “I have succeeded before.” These internal beliefs help you act in alignment with your goals.
Fourth, reconsider the word “resolution” itself. The word carries a connotation of “solving a problem,” which can feel burdensome or negative. Instead of trying to fix what is wrong, ask yourself, “What do I truly want?” or “What inspires me?” As Marie Kondo says, choose what brings you joy. When your goals inspire you, you are far more likely to move toward them.
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