[Book Sip] Even the Right Words Lose Power When Said This Way

Editor's NoteSome sentences encapsulate the entire content of a book, while others instantly resonate with readers and create a point of connection with the book. Here, we introduce such meaningful sentences excerpted from books.

There are times when, even if you say something reasonable and correct, your argument lacks persuasive power. Even though the listener cannot refute what you say, they may still feel offended and unwilling to agree with your point. As a result, the problem is not resolved, and the relationship deteriorates. The author, a communication expert who has interviewed thousands of people, advises that it is better to be approachable than to be simply smart. The author also recommends becoming a good listener rather than just a good explainer. The effect of choosing the latter approach was much greater than when using the former.

"There is actually a very banal reason why we are afraid to approach each other and have conversations. As we grow into adults, we rarely have the experience of resolving conflicts in ways other than confrontation or resistance?in other words, not as fights or wars in the broad sense. Already at home with our parents and siblings, in kindergarten, at school, at work, and especially in places where conflicts are most evident, such as political parties and associations, we have often experienced and witnessed what methods are effective for resolving conflicts when trying to rise to leadership positions. Instead of resolving issues through dialogue, it was always easiest to try to outdo others, to command, instruct, trample on, exclude, harass, or criticize others. This method has been passed down through generations." - From the recommendation, 'We Must Have Proper Conversations'

"For more than 25 years, I have helped experts in economics and politics, as well as corporate leaders, deliver their messages more effectively. Sometimes their messages are aimed at the public, sometimes at employees. Corporate leaders, in particular, are prone to the misconception that being rational means being reasonable, objective, and practical, because they mistakenly interpret 'rational' as 'not emotional.' Many of them try to eliminate the emotional dimension in communication and focus solely on factual arguments. However, escaping into the realm of reason in this way is actually the most irrational thing to do! This hinders genuine communication. And it comes at a great cost. For example, important political messages may not be conveyed properly, employees may feel alienated, or customers may criticize the company's information policy." - From Chapter 2, 'Conversation Is About Using the Heart, Not the Head'

"A client who once came to me for help preparing a public speech was one of the most influential leaders in her industry. She was a rare individual who had graduated from a prestigious university, had an impeccable career, and possessed strong leadership. Thanks to these achievements, she held a socially influential position. Yet, despite having everything, she was always labeled as 'unlikeable.' Moreover, at the time, she was leading an organization with a poor reputation despite her remarkable achievements. How could I help this very smart and capable leader escape this trap of perception? I cautiously told her that people like others not because they are smart and successful, but because they are kind. She confidently replied, 'But I am kind!' In fact, I knew from private gatherings that she was a wonderful and sometimes humorous person. It was just that her public demeanor was very restrained and objective, so it didn't show. So I advised her, 'Exactly! Show people that you are kind!'" - From Chapter 3, 'The Gift of Kindness'

"'Take your umbrella.' This simple and everyday phrase or request operates in many relationships and contexts. Is it said out of concern for the health of a loved one? Or is it said to someone being kicked out of the house after an argument, telling them to take their belongings immediately? Or is it said to a child who just received the dinosaur-patterned umbrella they had wanted so much as a birthday present? In each situation, the nuance of the same sentence is different. The spoken words, the individual situations of the speaker and listener, and their relationship all have their own unique dynamics. Everything we say works together with everything we have said before and influences what and how we will say next. The speaker and listener each come from somewhere and go somewhere else. They meet briefly under the umbrella and then go their separate ways. The dynamics of the situation existed before, and they influence not only what will be said in the future but also the relationship between the speaker and the listener. That is why, in emotionally intelligent communication, there is no distinction between speaker and listener. All participants in the conversation are protagonists in ongoing interaction, constantly changing their own situations and their relationship with each other. When we converse, we are not simply sharing 'something.'" - From Chapter 7, 'How to Convey Respect in Conversation'

"There is absolutely no need to worry that you might appear hesitant or clueless just because you do not answer immediately. In the stressful situation of an interview, three or four seconds can feel like an eternity to us. But to the conversation partner, listeners, or viewers, it is a very short time. Therefore, we should use that brief moment?which feels like forever to us?not to say something emotionally charged, but to say what we truly want to say. Former German Chancellor Helmut Schmidt used this strategy perfectly. He would first look at the questioner as if they were a little slow, then, in doubtful situations, smoke half a cigarette before calmly beginning to speak. No one ever said he seemed lacking in confidence because of this. On the contrary! This is the true meaning of 'karma.' Everything we do and say today affects the life we will live tomorrow. So, if you do not know what you can achieve with your words, it is wiser to say nothing at all. Otherwise, one day you might end up saying something like, 'Damn this karma!' If there is one sentence to remember from this chapter, it is the following: 'If a word is lacking, you can always add it later, but if a word is excessive, you may suffer for it later.'" - From Chapter 8, 'Silence as Language'

Why Is Warm Conversation So Difficult? | Written by Robert Budig | Translated by Kim Hyunjung | 308 pages | 17,800 KRW