[Youth Isolation 24 Hours] "A Being That Can't Fulfill a Single Role"... I Am a 28-Year-Old Isolated Youth

<1>Isolated and Reclusive Youths Interviewed by Asia Economy
①Hidden Daily Isolation
The Story of Donghee's 6 Months of Reclusive Life
What the Isolation That Slowly Settled Like Drizzle Left Behind

Editor's NoteWhen eating alone after work, having hundreds of contacts saved on your phone but no one to confide in when you're going through tough times, or when you're sick or have no money but can't ask for help... The young people in their 20s and 30s whom Asia Economy met confessed that they felt isolated in such moments. Could this be your story? If you have thought that words like 'hikikomori' or 'eundunhyeong oetori' (reclusive loner) are stories from a different world, now is the time to properly reconsider isolation and seclusion.

"I felt like an old power bank that runs out of battery in three hours. I couldn't fulfill my role as one person. At least a power bank has a charging port, but I didn't know where or how to recharge myself."

Mr. Han Dong-hee (28, Uijeongbu, Gyeonggi) first sensed something was wrong with his body in early 2021. An overwhelming amount of work piled up on him, and he faced continuous overtime. When he got home, he would barely take off his shoes and collapse at the door, falling asleep. He had no energy to change clothes or even get to his bed. Then, in the morning, he would barely wash up and head back to work. Going to cafes or watching popular dramas used to be his joys in life, but at some point, even those felt like labor. On weekends, he just slept like a corpse. His one-room apartment of 6 pyeong (approx. 20 square meters) became a mess. Although it was small enough to clean thoroughly if he set his mind to it, he lacked the motivation. Clean clothes mixed with worn clothes were scattered on the floor, and his bed was covered with clothes so much that he would fall asleep half-covered by them.

After quitting his job and living in isolation, young man Han Dong-hee, who found reemployment and came out into the world, is taking a walk on the street near his workplace during lunchtime. Photo by Heo Young-han younghan@

Gradually losing social connections and entering isolation and seclusion

According to the Ministry of Health and Welfare's '2023 Survey on Isolated and Reclusive Youth,' there are 540,000 isolated and reclusive young people nationwide, accounting for about 5% of the total youth population.

When people think of isolated and reclusive youth, many imagine hikikomori (reclusive loners) who stay locked in their rooms without jobs. However, experts point out that the gradual entry into isolation through everyday social withdrawal is also serious. These youths attend school or work and interact with family and acquaintances, but when facing difficulties, they cannot seek help or share their worries, slowly losing social connections and falling into isolation and seclusion. According to Seoul City's 2022 survey on isolated and reclusive youth, 56.0% of respondents said they had no one to confide in when feeling depressed.

Mr. Han was no exception. Having moved from Busan to Seoul for work, his parents' concern, telling him "come home if you're struggling," did not become a pillar he could rely on. He confessed, "Since I couldn't receive comfort, I ended up pretending to be fine even when I was struggling." Isolated youths do have family and friends, but because they have often experienced misunderstanding after opening up, they hesitate to share their worries. This is how Mr. Han's isolation began.

At some point, he would get angry suddenly and without reason. Minor things that could happen at work, like everyday conversations unrelated to work or repetitive tasks, became triggers for his anger. He didn't know how to relieve stress. Mr. Han said, "I couldn't shout at work, so I started hitting the walls. Since I had no way to relieve stress, even when I was in pain, I kept hitting the walls."

Outwardly, Mr. Han's life seemed normal. While others struggled to find part-time jobs amid employment difficulties, he secured a job less than a year after graduating from university and earned his own living. The stereotype that isolated and reclusive youth lack willpower or effort in employment and interpersonal relationships did not apply to him. Being sociable and well-rounded, his colleagues often asked, "Are you really an MBTI I (Introvert)?"

Experts say that the stronger the will to live, the more painful the experience of failure, making it easier to fall into isolation and seclusion. In fact, three out of four isolated and reclusive youths are highly educated, like Mr. Han, who graduated from university. This is the exact opposite of the weak and unmotivated image society associates with reclusive loners.

Park Dae-ryeong, director of the Beautiful You Counseling Center, which has been counseling isolated and reclusive youth, said, "It's easy to think that isolated and reclusive youth lack willpower or ambition, but that's not true at all. They want to succeed so much, want to be cool people, want to live well, but reality is hard to keep up with, so the pain from that gap is enormous." Jang Bo-im, secretary-general of Gonggamin, another support organization for isolated and reclusive youth, explained, "While elderly isolation is seen with sympathy and as people who need help, isolated youth face much more criticism like 'Why are they like that?' Even parents, with good intentions and frustration, say things wanting to help, but to the individuals, that becomes pressure."

The swamp-like bed, afraid of returning to the time when I had no strength to get out

Eventually, Mr. Han chose to resign after one year. During the six months of job transition preparation, his life was close to seclusion. His bed was like a swamp. When he lay down to rest, he would get buried and find it hard to get up. It felt like someone was pulling his neck and back joints strongly and pressing down hard on his body from above. Exhausted from work, he had no strength to overcome the gravity pulling him down and get up. Having never overslept since childhood, this was the first time he spent entire days sleeping.

"I told myself, 'I have to go out today, even if I just sit somewhere, I have to go out,' so I washed and changed clothes, but the act itself was so tiring. So I lay back down on the bed. Then the sun would set, and I couldn't go out again. When the sun set, I was scared because I thought I wouldn't be protected. I thought that if something happened to me, no one would find me. I also wondered how long it would take to be found if discovered. Even thinking that, there were many weeks when I couldn't go out even once."

After quitting his job and living in isolation, young man Han Dong-hee, who found reemployment and came out into the world, is lost in thought while looking out the cafe window. Photo by Heo Young-han younghan@

Then at night, he would get up and sweep and clean his room. Even though he didn't go out, he washed and folded clothes every day. He scrubbed the bathroom with bleach. His hands became so dry they cracked. He said he had to push his body like this to fall asleep without intrusive thoughts, almost like fainting. Mr. Han said his behavior might have been a kind of survival instinct.

"Maybe it was an action I took because I wanted to live."

Eventually, Mr. Han sought psychiatric help. He felt relieved knowing there was someone to help him and various ways to escape isolation, and he was able to recover his broken self-esteem.

Currently, Mr. Han has succeeded in reemployment and is working again. His job, which he started in April 2022, is already entering its third year. He said he feels considerable life satisfaction knowing he is an important person and a necessary member of an organization. He is also building resilience to overcome difficulties. He explained about his changed attitude toward life, "Even when stressed by a heavy workload, I feel that my existence is important, separate from that. Because I feel needed, even when people around me tell me not to work overtime, I voluntarily take on the work."

However, Mr. Han still harbors the fear that he could return to isolation anytime. This is why he continues psychiatric counseling once or twice a month. He said, "I still have anxiety about when I might stop, so this is the minimum safeguard I have set up. Anyone can struggle at any time."

Local governments consider only youth isolated or reclusive for more than six months as subjects for policy protection. Feelings of isolation in daily life can develop into seclusion, but cases showing crisis signs or early symptoms like Mr. Han are excluded from protection. Ultimately, individuals must find ways to escape early isolation signs themselves, but it is not easy to seek psychiatric help on their own like Mr. Han. In South Korea, where there is a negative social perception of psychiatry, it is difficult for isolated and reclusive youth to admit their problems and seek psychiatric care. Among reclusive youth, conflicts with family sometimes arise simply because they were advised to visit a hospital.

'Check your risk level for loneliness and social isolation'

Loneliness and Social Isolation Scale

https://www.asiae.co.kr/en/list/project/2024050314290051322A

If you want to read the 'Youth Isolation 24 Hours' articles

<1>Youth isolated and reclusive people Asia Economy met
① I am a 28-year-old isolated youth... "A being who can't fulfill one person's role"
② Isolation caused by employment... A day spent without saying a word all day
③ Harder than parenting is having 'no one to talk to'... That's how depression came
④ Eating instant rice and ramen for three years and playing games all day... When emotional instability worsens, eventually