[One Thousand Characters a Day] The 'Language of Relationships' That Understands the Heart <3>

Editor's NoteUnderstanding the mind often overlaps with the concept commonly called 'empathy,' but it is necessary to distinguish between the two to some extent. Compared to empathy, understanding the mind places more emphasis on the balance between emotion and cognition, values the balance between oneself and others, and is interested not only in the other person's feelings and pain but also in their desires, happiness, and dreams. Ultimately, understanding the mind can be described as 'mindfulness in relationships' or 'reflective empathy.' The language of understanding is basically formed by internalizing experiences of being understood during childhood, but it can also be learned at any time in adulthood. The basic principle of the language of understanding the mind is simple: 'asking questions with curiosity about one's own and the other's mind.' However, it is not just about changing the tone of voice; the very way the mind operates must change. Word count: 990 characters.

The basic principle of the language of understanding the mind is simple: 'asking questions with curiosity about one's own and the other's mind.' Asking yourself, "Why are you angry?" or "What are you anxious about?" is understanding your own mind. Asking someone else, "Why are you crying?" or "Why are you laughing?" is also understanding the mind. However, there is a caution. The words must contain curiosity and be gentle. The word "why?" can convey curiosity depending on the nuance, but it can also become a judgmental or attacking remark. Even the same words, if not expressed gently, can make "Why are you laughing?" sound like "Why are you laughing unpleasantly!"

Tone of voice is a deeply rooted habit that is not easy to change. Such a change in habit must be approached from a higher level rather than just at the behavioral level. For example, a change in values or identity must accompany it. To exercise consistently, the goal should be set not as 'exercising hard' but as 'living healthily.' Changing tone of voice is the same. It does not change simply by deciding to speak nicely and gently; the way the mind operates must change. This means reducing mind-reading and increasing understanding of the mind.

Relationships are made through language. The language of relationships can be broadly divided into 'language of judgment' and 'language of understanding.' The former is based on mind-reading, and the latter is based on understanding the mind. Mind-reading is judgmental and prioritizes self-protection, whereas understanding the mind is non-judgmental and values mutual exchange. The language of judgment is rigid, cold, and closed. In contrast, the language of understanding is soft, warm, and open. It is the listener, not the speaker, who should feel this way. When understanding the mind develops, the tone of voice also changes. The language of understanding is not an innate talent. It is either the natural internalization of countless interactions of understanding or the result of effort stemming from valuing relationships. Relationships are formed and deepened through language, but at the same time, they can be distanced and broken through language. For this reason, we must pay attention to the words we use and practice understanding the mind.