[One Thousand Characters a Day] The 'Language of Relationships' That Understands the Heart <1>

Editor's NoteEveryone occasionally gets hurt or frustrated in close and important human relationships. Is it possible to have relationships where no one is hurt or hurts others? What matters in relationships is not avoiding conflicts altogether but repairing the resulting frustrations. Therefore, people try to restore relationships, but sometimes the more they try, the more tangled and difficult the relationship becomes. Psychiatrist Moon Yohan emphasizes that 'mentalization' is necessary to untangle relationships that are hurt and frozen. When the 'mind that understands the mind' operates, conversations that are truly dialogues?not hasty judgments or advice?can take place, allowing better understanding of the other person, unraveling tangled relationships, and ultimately enabling mutual growth within the relationship. Word count: 957 characters.

When we look into the heart suffering from conflict, what it truly desires is simple: to resolve the conflict, understand each other, and connect deeply. Therefore, before hastily ending a painful relationship, it is necessary to make efforts as much as one can. Instead of arguing over who is right or wrong or who is more at fault, it is more important to talk about what is causing the pain and what one genuinely wants from the other.

Human relationships are not easy. Often, a good relationship is damaged by a single quarrel, and the relationship breaks off. And it is difficult to revive a broken relationship. Why is that? If we look at the words expressing emotions in the Korean language, about 70% are negative emotional expressions compared to 30% positive ones. This phenomenon is not unique to Korea but appears in almost all cultures. Humans experience negative events or emotions more intensely and remember them longer. Someone's criticism lingers in the mind, while praise from others is easily forgotten; we quickly notice a glaring face but easily overlook a smiling one. Even with the same amount, the pain of loss is felt more strongly than the joy of gain.

Perhaps because of this, while the word 'trauma' exists, there is no opposite term. The concept of 'Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)' is now common knowledge, but the concept of 'post-traumatic growth' still feels unfamiliar. This phenomenon, where negative events or emotions have a stronger impact on us, is called 'negativity bias' in psychology. Although the degree varies among individuals, it is a universal phenomenon. Going back to ancient times, human ancestors hunted but were also easy prey. They were probably somewhere in the middle of the food chain. In such circumstances, the 'negative bias'?the tendency to judge stimuli or situations more negatively than positively?could have been a survival strategy to protect humans from external dangers.