Did You Miss Love in Childhood? "The Real Reason for Fake Love..." [A Sip of Books]

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Fake love is instrumental love that uses the other person according to one's needs. It is also conditional love aimed at fulfilling various conditions. Why does fake love arise? Mainstream psychology overseas has attributed the failure to achieve true love to the individual, suggesting that emotional wounds stem from not receiving love in childhood. However, the author presents an opposing argument. He emphasizes that since the neoliberal infinite economic system began converting all values into money, the concept of cost-benefit has been reinforced even in love. He states that survival anxiety, a byproduct of competition encouraged by society, has worsened human mental health and proposes that the solution lies in correctly understanding the nature of humans as social beings.

Is the fundamental cause of people repeatedly failing in love and engaging in fake love really within the individual? I believe the root cause of love becoming impossible is a pathological society. Of course, ignorance or misunderstanding about love and deteriorating mental health are certainly among the main causes. However, since these are essentially caused or imposed by a sick society, they cannot be considered the fundamental cause. - pp. 6-7 (Introduction_For a Society That Can Truly Love)

A young person I met once said, “Humans are inherently evil. They all should just die. Especially Koreans are the biggest problem. I wish they all just died.” When asked about his opinion on the ‘Sillim-dong stabbing’ murder, he unhesitatingly said he empathized with the perpetrator’s mind. Indeed, the era of Korean-style mass shootings has begun. Korea’s high suicide rate and Korean-style mass shootings are evidence that Korean society is experiencing serious problems in love. - p. 21 (Chapter 1_Why Is Everyone Failing in Love?)

Recently, many psychologists blame parents whenever a child has any problem. However, hardly anyone says that the cause of parents’ anxiety is a sick society. Of course, it cannot be said that parents bear no responsibility, and parents are the direct parties who hurt their children. But since parents are also victims of a sick society, blaming parents does not help solve the problem. - p. 37 (Chapter 2_Lies Called Love)

As Korea passed through the neoliberal era, it has degenerated into a terrible society of extreme individualism, where individuals crushed under the enormous weight of survival anxiety fiercely fight each other to secure their own livelihood and snatch bread crumbs thrown by a tiny wealthy elite. People isolated and suffering from survival anxiety are so preoccupied with putting out the fire on their own feet that they hardly pay attention to the community. Their focus is entirely on their own livelihood, resulting in their degeneration into individualists. It is impossible for an individualist to have true love or healthy love. - pp. 78-79 (Chapter 3_What Is Fake Love?)

In a society where competition of ‘I am better’ is taking place, self-esteem is regarded as evidence of winning the competition. In other words, high self-esteem is considered a sign proving that I am better than others or that I have a higher rank than others. The reason people fear a drop in self-esteem so much is that they equate low self-esteem with low rank. - p. 108 (Chapter 4_Why Do People Fall for Fake Love?)

Even if a person dies, the things they loved remain in the world. Therefore, people who love humans and have public goals do not commit joint suicide. Romeo and Juliet committed joint suicide because they had no public goals. People without public goals do not love humans and thus cannot love anyone. If they love someone, that love is fake love. - p. 148 (Chapter 5_Distinguishing Fake Disguised as Real)

Love connects people and unites everyone, helping humans grow from powerless and weak individuals into great beings. The more humans love each other, and the more people who love humans there are, the greater the power and ability of humans to change the world. This is the role love plays in the progress of social history. - pp. 185-186 (Chapter 6_What Is True Love?)

Having the ability to love does not mean acquiring dating skills. Living while loving each other is the natural way of life for humans as social beings. The ability to love is not some special ability existing separately from other abilities but is part of the social living and activity abilities that humans should naturally have. - p. 218 (Chapter 7_How Should We Love?)

To alleviate or eliminate isolated survival anxiety, a basic society must be built. A basic society is one where the state takes responsibility for and guarantees the survival of its citizens. The state must take responsibility for citizens’ survival through basic income, basic jobs, basic loans, basic housing, as well as free education, free healthcare, and if necessary, free housing systems. This will free people from basic survival anxiety. - pp. 235-236 (Chapter 8_A Society That Recommends True Love)

Fake Love-Recommending Society | Written by Kim Taehyung | Galmaenamu | 252 pages | 17,500 KRW