[Haruchunja] From Today, I Decided to Cry for Myself <4>

Editor's Note“I also work and earn a decent income, though not as much as my husband. However, my husband treats me like a child. I resisted him, but he still doesn't listen to me and shows no change in behavior. He says I have become strange. Am I really the one who is strange?”
Psychotherapist Park Seongman, in his book From Today, I Decided to Cry for Myself, shares stories of women who strive tirelessly toward their happiness and freedom. Through various cases, he explores how each woman overcomes difficulties and finds her unique path in life. The book covers reasons why a wife who had been waiting for her husband's exam success for over a decade was able to give up her dream, and how a mother who took on the role of the family’s villain for harmony was able to let go of her obsession. Ultimately, it states that happiness and unhappiness are determined by our thoughts, and breaking free from the chains of oppression is also our choice. Above all, it emphasizes that letting go of attachment to certain values or people is the first step toward freedom. Word count: 769.

You already had a childlike nature before marriage. The characteristic of this childlike nature is finding a sense of existence by depending on others. You have memories of craving love because you were not loved enough in your childhood. People unconsciously seek someone to resolve unresolved childhood issues. They meet such a person and marry. A soulmate means someone who fills your deficiencies. Your husband accepted your childlike nature, and you enjoyed it. You even entrusted part of your salary to your husband, who was good at managing money.

On the other hand, your husband accepted your dependence and fulfilled his sense of existence as a husband. If you had treated your husband like his mother did, would you have been satisfied? High satisfaction does not necessarily mean an ideal couple. I have often seen couples who, despite high satisfaction, do not grow because they are immersed in that pleasure. They visit good restaurants and travel to nice places together, presenting themselves as a loving couple, but even the most loving couples fight fiercely. They may appear to be the best couple on the outside, but they are likely avoiding growth due to fear of conflict or change. Until now, your relationship was the best it could be. Now is the time for change.

You told your husband that you want to break free from him now. He was surprised and asked if you meant divorce. What you meant was to break free from the inner child within yourself, not from your husband. Meanwhile, your husband, who has lived only as an adult, needs to find and nurture his inner child. A time of change and growth has come for your marriage.

- Park Seongman, From Today, I Decided to Cry for Myself, Chusubat Publishing, 17,000 KRW