[A Sip of a Book] It Started to Get Better Only After Shouting That It Was Not Okay

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This is an essay by Jeong Sun-im, who lives continuing the traditional flavors of the head family’s sauces at the old house ‘Sansuheon.’ Sansuheon (山水軒), the head family residence of the Ubok clan with a history of over 400 years, is a historic house designated as a National Folk Cultural Property and the writer’s childhood home. The author, who worked in classical Chinese literature outside her hometown, shares the story of deciding to return home at the age of fifty to learn from her mother, the eldest daughter-in-law (jongbu) of the head family, how to make soy sauce, soybean paste, red pepper paste, rice cakes, and jocheong (grain syrup), and to brand these traditional products.

In a world ruled by capital, I could not accept being treated like a feudal lady of the detached quarters, nor being treated differently from my brother even though I was born a person. I didn’t know any other way than to pretend nothing was wrong and just endure it. Maybe I hoped there was a version of me who simply settled and adapted to everything. In reality, nothing adapted; I went through a process of denial, resistance, frustration, and rising again. Only now do I understand that I struggled to live as Jeong Sun-im, not as the noble lady of your house or a discriminated daughter. I am a person, Jeong Sun-im. - 015_Outside, a detached quarters lady; inside, a woman

My grandfather, who lived in Daegu and commuted between Daegu and the Sangju family home, once tearfully said, “Child, if you keep like this, our family is finished. Please get up and do something.” After that day, my mother, who had never farmed before, raised us by working the fields herself. As the eldest daughter-in-law of a head family that holds six ancestral rites including two unreleased memorial tablets and has sixty ancestral graves, my mother has been protecting our home alone since she was thirty-two. - 054_Do I not have to succeed too?

Perhaps that is enough. Because I believed it was love, I bravely got married, and so my children came to me, and I have navigated the world well with them. And I raised them not to hate their father, and they grew up to be people with whom I can share any story. That is enough. For a woman who does not fit marriage, there is no better support than a daughter to live as a person. “You are probably the only daughters in the world who say thank you for the divorce. Daughters, thank you too, Mom!” - 095_A woman unsuited for marriage

Sansuheon (山水軒) is the name of my hometown house. It is the Ubok Jeong Gyeong-se head family residence and a National Folk Cultural Property. Learning and selling red pepper paste, soybean paste, and soy sauce is the reason I returned home. When choosing a brand name, I selected Sansuheon because I thought it best represented the traditional flavors passed down through generations. It would be a lie to say I had no doubts about whether the path our ancestors lived and the means of making money could meet under the same name. - 229_Days at Sansuheon

Only after shouting that I was not okay did I begin to get better | Written by Jeong Sun-im | Param Book | 232 pages | 15,000 KRW