[Senior Trend] Preparing for Death Is Ultimately a Way to Live Fully

Everyone dies someday. People are equal in the face of not knowing when, where, or how they will die. Even Emperor Qin Shi Huang, who tirelessly sought the elixir of immortality to live forever, could not escape death. Is death painful and frightening, and therefore something to be avoided? If you knew you only had a week or a month left to live, what would you want to do? The story of finding answers to this question is what well-dying is about.

The Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) of the UK published the "Quality of Death Index" reports in 2010 and 2015. These reports compared and analyzed end-of-life services by country. The UK, Australia, and Ireland ranked high. South Korea was ranked 30th in the first survey but rose to 18th five years later, thanks to high scores in the "level of treatment" among about 20 categories. However, the medical system that reduces psychological pain and provides comfort to dying patients and their families received low scores. It indicated that improvements are needed in ensuring a comfortable end to life.

As the Confucian saying goes, "How can one discuss death without knowing life," we have been influenced by Confucian philosophy, which makes us reluctant to talk about "death." This life-centered culture is expressed in various ways. When the topic of how one wants to die is brought up, it is said to bring negative energy. The word hosang (好喪) is one example. It refers to the funeral of someone who lived a long and blessed life. At funerals, while people mourn the deceased, the living are encouraged to keep living and share food noisily. Ultimately, there are few opportunities to deeply contemplate death.

This is not unique to Korea. In the US, Germany, and Japan, "death preparation education" has been established and settled. From children to the elderly, people are taught about understanding death and overcoming grief throughout their life cycle as part of lifelong education. In the US, this started due to civic movements; in Germany, through discussions combining culture and death; and in Japan, to prevent suicide and educate on the preciousness of life and respect for life. In 2008, the UK declared that just as everyone has the right to a good life, everyone should equally have the right to a good death. A good death is defined as dying ▲in a familiar environment ▲with family and friends ▲while maintaining dignity and respect ▲and without pain.

Recently, "Well-Dying" has been frequently mentioned in senior communities. Just last month, I was asked twice to give lectures and recommend books on the topic. Perhaps this is due to the influence of the late Professor Lee O-ryeong’s book The Last Lesson and his choice of well-dying. In the book, he introduces his new friend called "death" and talks about "death within life" or "life beside death." Well-dying means finishing life while preserving human dignity, value, and grace. Narrowly, it refers to stopping life-sustaining treatment and hospice palliative care; broadly, it means reflecting on and preparing for death in daily life while cherishing the present. In the same vein, there is Steve Jobs’ famous 2005 speech. In his Stanford University commencement address, he said, "Death is the best invention life has made." Thinking about death helps us live well.

Since the enactment of the Dignified Death Act (Life-Sustaining Treatment Decision System) in South Korea in 2018, groups and education programs preparing for a good death have increased. Social welfare centers and hospice associations nationwide run various programs. Examples include taking family photos while also taking memorial photos, regularly writing wills, experiencing coffin preparation, and holding pre-funeral ceremonies. Following these processes is essentially about "ways to live well." The Seoul 50 Plus Foundation has introduced a course called "Ending Coordinator," which covers practical funeral-related tasks and is part of well-dying programs. In Buddhism, there is death meditation, which involves accepting that death will come someday, organizing subtle fears and anxieties about death to achieve a peaceful mind, and cultivating a flexible mindset toward death so one can be fully awake to the present moment.

Depending on individual circumstances and beliefs, ways to prepare for well-dying may differ. However, accepting death as a natural part of life and planning and handling death-related matters in advance to gain inner peace is important for everyone. Thinking about death may be a process that enriches life. One of the regrets people have when dying is not having fully expressed gratitude and peace to their loved ones. Through well-dying preparation, which is becoming a senior trend, I hope the third act of life shines brilliantly according to life’s priorities.

Lee Boram, CEO of Third Age