[Book Sip] Being Strict with Yourself and Generous to Others Is Not Humility

Editor's NoteSome sentences encapsulate the entire essence of a book, while others instantly resonate with readers and create a point of connection with the book. Here, we introduce such meaningful sentences selected from books.

In a world where "living kindly means losing out," this book explores the reasons why we must still strive to live ethically. The author, a professor of ethics education at Seoul National University, offers the strength to once again grasp the "thread of ethics," which is increasingly fading from view as we pursue greater and larger gains. As a "link of humanity" connecting you and me, the author unpacks five virtues of life?humility, gratitude, filial piety, trust, and honesty?through a total of 50 questions, ranging from "Why should we be humble?" to "Can artificial intelligence be honest?" The author believes that ethics is "like a bridge connecting one's true self and humanity." The author emphasizes, "I believe the most important thing that ethics can do for us is to help us complete a humane attitude toward others without losing our own unique individuality."

Another aspect to consider regarding humility is the attitude of being strict with oneself but generous with others. We often say that a person who is strict with themselves?never easily satisfied, constantly striving, and always aiming higher?is humble. However, this is not always the case. Treating oneself as "special" in such a way can also reveal a lack of humility. Let us consider the case of a student who is ranked first in the entire school. For example, Na Ildeung, who is always first, feels dissatisfied and distressed even if he misses just one question on a test, pushing himself with thoughts like "I must do even better." At that moment, Kim Geungjeong, who usually scores 50 points, comes to comfort the distressed Ildeung, saying, "It's okay, grades aren't everything in life." However, instead of appreciating the comfort, Ildeung responds, "It might be fine for someone like you, but not for me!" Such a person, while having an attitude of never being satisfied and always striving, also looks down on others and considers themselves special, applying even stricter standards to themselves. For this reason, they cannot truly be considered humble. Applying a different standard only to oneself and treating oneself differently in this way is hard to call humility. <pp. 41-42>

As a practical guideline for living confidently while remaining humble, the author proposes the "third-place principle." This means aiming for third place, no matter what you do or where you go. If you become obsessed with being first, you will suffer from extreme stress in life, and even after achieving your goal, you will be plagued by anxiety over when your position might be taken away. Those in second place may resentfully watch the back of the first-place winner, feeling envious and thinking, "If only that person weren't there, I could be first!" However, if you aim for third place, you can do your best while feeling less mental burden. People often say that bronze medalists are happier than silver medalists. Someone might ask, "Then why not aim for fourth or fifth place instead of third?" This very question captures the spirit of the third-place principle. In other words, the ranking itself has no intrinsic value; if you live in pursuit of "good things," there is no need to obsess over achieving something "better" than others. Ironically, realizing this is the core of the "third-place principle." <p. 51>

When it comes to virtuous gratitude, it is important to apply the "principle of presuming goodwill," even if the other person's intentions are unclear. This means assuming that the other person acted with good intentions, not bad ones, when their true feelings are not apparent. This principle is similar to the "presumption of innocence" used in court, which holds that when it is unclear whether someone is guilty or not, we should start by assuming they are innocent. The presumption of innocence does not exist because there is more evidence supporting innocence than guilt. Rather, it exists because the harm of treating an innocent person as guilty is greater than the harm of treating a guilty person as innocent. Similarly, the principle of presuming goodwill is not based on a higher probability or more evidence that people have good intentions. Just as it is just to presume innocence when evidence is insufficient in law, it can be a virtuous attitude to assume that others do not have bad intentions when we cannot know their hearts. <pp. 93-94>

How to Become an Adult | Written by Eom Sungwoo | Chusubat | 304 pages | 19,000 KRW