[A Sip of Books] The Starting Point of Altruism Is "Selfishness That Knows Oneself"

Editor's NoteSome sentences encapsulate the entire content of a book, while others instantly reach the reader's heart, creating a connection with the book. We excerpt and introduce such meaningful sentences from books.

We talk about ‘you’ and try to live for ‘you,’ but we are clumsy when it comes to contemplating others who have their own unique contexts. Moreover, we are not accustomed to reflecting on ‘myself’ as the object of selfishness.

This is why the author, an educator and researcher, became interested in true altruists. While researching systems and policies through data on a monitor, the author suddenly “wanted to see the people outside the monitor. More precisely, I wanted to engage with the world,” and set out to meet people directly. The author addresses difficult questions such as whether donations by celebrities are altruistic acts to help neighbors or merely means to secure a good image, as well as distorted views that misunderstand good intentions, like “humanism doesn’t save lives.” The book moves toward the destination that the era of true altruism is an era of ‘taja dosaeng’ (others’ survival).

Altruism does not mature solely from an innate heart. Altruism is the will to understand others at all costs. You might object, saying there is ‘common human empathy.’ There is also the word ‘ojirab’ (meddling). People with disabilities call instinctive, immediate altruism without understanding ‘charity and pity.’ Some have shouted, “Don’t say you’re doing it for me.” Altruism without understanding is dangerous because it fails to consider how humiliating it feels to the other person when they are not regarded as equals.

Altruism is not synonymous with love. At least, not that kind of love. When the desire for unity deeply embedded in love is controlled and transformed into emotional distance, the mind directed toward others can finally become warm sunlight rather than a blazing flame burning each other.

If it’s hard, let’s be selfish to our heart’s content. Until your heart becomes uncomfortable, until you see the person. Once you know that point, we can be less afraid. Because we know where we will stop. This knowledge helps both me and you. Selfishness that knows oneself well is the starting line of altruism.

Still, there are very rare people who make you put your hands together. At least, as far as I know, there are people so kind-hearted that they make you think, ‘I don’t want to be disappointed in that person.’ There are people who make you pray not to be disappointed just because of my wavering heart. There are people who make you choose patience in distance rather than the pain of disappointment, preferring not to know the other side.

We each have our own battles. Most are destined to be lost. Like a soccer game where you score one hard-earned goal and then lock down the defense, most of us live holding onto a single stroke of luck in life. It may sound strange, but let’s not pity others’ defeats too much. They may have lost in the battle visible to our eyes, but their life seen through God’s eyes will be different. Looking at someone who, despite a painful mind, kept a kinder and gentler heart than anyone else, I naturally recall the verse that people are more beautiful than flowers.

An altruistic heart does not necessarily have to be motivated by ‘wanting to do something for someone.’ Everyone fights their own battles. Sometimes, like Frodo heading to Mordor, it is a battle that cannot be helped. The best thing we can do may be to be there at the place where he last saw me, where he will turn his eyes to look at me one last time when the shadow of death is imminent in his eyes.

Declaration of an Altruist | Written by Choi Taehyun | Difplot | 228 pages | 17,800 KRW