[Inside Chodong]The Nodding Heart Between Life and Death

The History of Individuals and Society Shaped by Empathy
Rebuttoning Mistakes Through Sharing Our Hearts

President Yoon Suk-yeol declared martial law on the night of the 3rd, and in the early morning of the 4th, as martial law troops attempted to enter the main building of the National Assembly, staff members and other related personnel were setting up barricades. Photo by Kim Hyun-min

My grandmother passed away. Having lived through the turbulent history since the Japanese colonial period, she was a wise person. I admired her heart that knew how to be grateful in everything. "Life is really short. Live it joyfully. Understand each other." Her words, like a last will, seemed to contain many stories, and as I tried to keep them in my heart, I recently found myself talking a lot about life and death when meeting sources. Even when discussing completely different topics, there is a common thread running through them. That is the 'empathetic heart.'

Life is no easy matter from birth, so population issues are always a hot topic. The recent story started from an experience of being surprised by the total number of students when attending my child's elementary school entrance ceremony. As someone who experienced both morning and afternoon classes in elementary school, I realized the seriousness anew upon learning that the number of classmates entering school with my child was just over 100. From that moment, even subconsciously, when making decisions about my child, I stopped reflecting on 'my time' and began to think from my child's perspective.

Death has an even broader spectrum. The book "Practice of Mourning" by psychiatrist and author Jeong Hye-shin has been a great help in organizing my chaotic thoughts about life and death, and I often quote it in meetings. While reading the book, I felt that what is needed to live well and face death without regrets is an empathetic heart. Jeong said that even if we might never see each other again soon, to live a life with less regret and sorrow, we should focus only on the 'here and now' and the 'person right in front of us.' She focuses by laughing a lot, feeling a lot, and sharing a lot. All preparations for death are about confirming that we have loved enough and been loved enough, or more precisely, that we have lived a life of loving and being loved. This process cannot be considered without an empathetic heart.

When talking about death, above all, the unreal sense of fear that hung before my eyes on the night of December 3rd takes up a significant portion. Hearing stories about citizens helping each other climb over the National Assembly wall by pushing from below 'like a fire truck dance,' and the fierce night when people moved urgently without fear with the single determination to 'stop the martial law troops at all costs,' I realized that there was an empathetic heart for that space as well.

What would happen without that quietly nodding heart? Jeong said that in every situation a person encounters in life, facts and emotions coexist, and if the emotional function is paralyzed and emotions cannot be felt, reality cannot be properly grasped, and communication cannot be properly achieved. Relationships naturally become tangled. Just as if the first button is fastened incorrectly, the following buttons will also be fastened incorrectly, if the function to feel emotions does not work, all judgments and interpretations made by that person, whether in interpersonal relationships or sense of reality, will inevitably be wrong one after another.

This is also why 'shame ultimately becomes our burden.' Jeong said that guilt is 'an emotion possessed by those who are psychologically connected to the suffering of others and have excellent empathy.' It is an exceptional form of empathy among empathies. Fixing the wrongly fastened buttons caused by the lack of empathy is ultimately our responsibility, sharing the same heart. It is the life itself that we must create by understanding each other with the 'here and now' and the 'person right in front of us.'