[One Thousand Characters a Day] 'Sentences of Mourning' for the End of Life <4>

Editor's NoteThe author began studying death personally after witnessing the life-and-death struggles of family and acquaintances. However, it seems they did not arrive at a definitive answer. Still, there is no need for despair. Instead of clinging to the inscrutable 'understanding of death,' the author views death from a communal perspective and ultimately discovers a detour called 'reconciliation with death.' For example, the reflections on 'a good death' and 'good mourning' developed in the latter part are the fruits of reconciliation achieved by accepting the fear and incomprehensibility of death. Word count: 972.

What Ari?s particularly highlights in the history of death is the qualitative change that occurred in the 20th century. He described this as the 'forbidden death.' This is because death became isolated and concealed from society, and even mourning was prohibited.

According to him, nowadays, when most people "die alone and quietly" in hospitals, patients and their bereaved families must quietly restrain their emotions. As 'a dignified death' and 'dignified mourning' became the style of death, crying and wailing in grief came to be seen as uncultured and pathological.

I was the same. I thought that calmly facing death and quietly suppressing sorrow was a good death and good mourning. But after reading Ari?s's writing, I began to wonder if this notion of 'a good death' meant causing less shock to those watching. Could it be that the dying are required to control and stage themselves from others' perspectives until the very end, thereby preventing them from truly feeling, living, and completing their own death?

Of course, even now I dream of facing death calmly. I also think it was right to quietly send off the spirit of the deceased on their long journey so that it would not be disturbed. However, I do not consider struggling to live until the very end, like Susan Sontag, a bad death. Nor do I think that wailing loudly out of unbearable pain from loss is uncultured behavior.

Everyone has the right to live, die, and grieve in their own way. Just as no one can demand that others live or die in a certain way, no one should tell others to stop grieving. As Ari?s pointed out, what makes people ill is not excessive grief but rather the prohibition of grief. Mourning, that is, properly processing the pain of loss, is important not only for individuals but also for the health of society.

(Omitted)

Thinking about death is reflecting on what is most important in life, and thinking about how to die is contemplating how to live. Therefore, all death education is education for life. And our lives themselves are the school where we learn this.

－Kim Yi-kyung, Sentences of Mourning, Seohae Munjip, 14,000 KRW