[Senior Trend] Let's Reflect on and Prepare for Death and Funerals

Various Cases Related to Death
Occupations and Changing Trends

There are countless famous sayings about death. Mother Teresa said, "Death is a part of life, and we must accept it." Mahatma Gandhi, the soul of India, said, "Death is the only certain thing we know. Therefore, rather than worrying about what will happen after death, we should focus on what we will do while we are alive." Perspectives on life and death vary, but death is an unavoidable reality for everyone.

Recently, a video titled "My Final Farewell Before I Die: A Funeral While Alive" has been trending on YouTube. A woman diagnosed with ovarian cancer battled the disease for two years. Despite all efforts, she was told at the end of 2023, at the age of 29, that her life would soon end. While staying in a hospice ward in Singapore, she decided to spend her remaining week or so at home and invited her loved ones. She chose to hold her funeral in advance. Although she was not unafraid of dying, she did not want to wait trembling. She wanted to say goodbye to the people she loved, share that she loved them, and put her life in order. They exchanged flowers, shared small nostalgic stories, and embraced each other. The following week, she eventually passed away, and the video ends. It is a sad story but prompts reflection on how to face death.

Death is inevitable for us, yet it often comes suddenly. We live in a culture that tabooizes mentioning death, and we are busy just surviving reality. In daily life, death is most often encountered through someone’s obituary message. Actual close deaths involve losing loved ones, which carries a heavy emotional burden. If the person is oneself, it is natural not to want to think about what comes after. However, "a person’s death" involves many more matters than expected. One must decide what kind of funeral to hold, whether to donate the body after death, cremate it, choose a tree burial (sumokjang), or create a grave. The location of the funeral hall and how to notify others about the funeral must also be arranged. If the deceased owed debts or had inheritance, how to handle those is also an issue. Disposing of belongings used during life and managing online accounts or communication contracts remain. Beyond the emotionally difficult parts, there is a mountain of things to handle.

Therefore, there are funeral directors (jangisa) who consult with bereaved families and manage funeral procedures, from preparing funeral supplies to managing the body and overseeing the funeral. There are also funeral service companies. By paying a certain amount in advance, they provide professional services to assist with funerals. Additionally, there are keepsake organizers who classify the deceased’s belongings by importance and, on behalf of bereaved families unfamiliar with the process, coordinate with lawyers or local governments to protect legal documents and provide comprehensive services. Some also perform special cleaning. Meanwhile, psychological counseling support has emerged to comfort the wounds and grief left in families after death. Currently, it is mainly sought in cases of suicide or accidents. In the United States, therapy dogs called "Commit," trained through educational programs, visit hospice wards or funeral homes to stay with bereaved families. They provide comfort.

In Japan, the number of centenarians has increased remarkably, but so has the frequency of death. In 2023, South Korea had about 300,000 annual deaths, while Japan exceeded 1.5 million. As death becomes closer to everyday life and society faces an "aging death society," social changes are underway. First, death communities are quite active. Since the 2011 Great East Japan Earthquake, "Death Cafes" have increased. These are "death preparation education centers" where people freely discuss death while enjoying refreshments at cafes. Also, for the past ten years, "grave friends" (Hagatomo, 墓友) who share burial plots have met two to three times a year for lunch. They are not related by blood or acquaintanceship. They are elderly people seeking "joint graves" that are jointly used and managed to avoid burdening bereaved families. In 2018, "body hotels" appeared. Due to a surge in deaths, crematories became insufficient. As waiting times lengthened and demand for mortuaries increased to prevent body decomposition, some bereaved families sought body hotels to have sufficient mourning time and say goodbye properly. Families stay in the same space with the body for several days, receive visitors, and hold funerals. Before the body goes to the crematorium, the whole family gathers for a final farewell ceremony.

What is an "appropriate death" that suits each person’s life and personality? The author’s wish is to live a day as usual and peacefully pass away in sleep. Of course, as the term well-dying suggests, this means actively concluding life and preparing for death in advance. If one suffers from an incurable disease, euthanasia (active willing) is practiced in Switzerland. When there is special pain or medical reasons, after consultation with selected experts, the place and conditions are determined. If you were to die on the first Monday of next month, where, with whom, and what would you do? Have you ever thought about it? It is time for open conversations about death and funerals.

Lee Boram, CEO of Third Age