[From the Japanese Side] "To Mothers Who Have Become Invisible" Advice from a Photographer Mother of a Disabled Child Making Her Debut

Story of Misato Yamamoto
Waiting 6 Hours Daily in Special School Waiting Room... Experienced Adjustment Disorder Due to Depression
Gained Attention by Capturing Honest Stories Through Photography

Children are said to be a unique kind of happiness that cannot be compared to anything else. However, juggling both parenting and a career is not an easy task. This is especially true for parents raising children with disabilities. In Japan, a mother of a disabled child gained attention by releasing a photo album titled "To All Mothers Who Are Treated as Invisible." She described how she was constantly watching over, caring for, taking her child to school, waiting for and picking up her child, all while existing as an invisible person.

Her message, "Mothers deserve to be freer," has inspired other parents. Today, we share the story of Misato Yamamoto, who recently debuted as a photographer.

Photo included in the photo book by Misato Yamamoto. On the right is the second son, Mizuki. (Photo by NHK)

Misato Yamamoto, 43, is a mother of four children ranging from middle school to university age. After giving birth to her first child, she sent her child to daycare and kindergarten while working at a company dealing in miscellaneous goods. She said that work motivated her by making her feel, "I am living my own life." However, her life changed after her second son, Mizuki, was born. Born with a disability, Mizuki requires medical care such as suctioning phlegm every 15 minutes and using a ventilator, and needs to be watched over 24 hours a day. Since her husband’s job involves frequent business trips, she quit her job to focus solely on caring for Mizuki.

When her child was unwell, she had to suction phlegm day and night, leading to sleepless days. She began to wonder, "Why only me?" This feeling grew stronger when she sent her child to a special school. One of the admission conditions was that some medical care could not be handled by the school nurse, so parents had to accompany their children.

From 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., she had to sit in a corner of the classroom or waiting room, endlessly waiting for time to pass. Since there was nothing to do most of the time, when she asked, "Can I help with anything?" she was told, "Unless needed, mothers should not pay attention and just stay out of the way for the sake of the children’s independence."

Although she understood this was for the children’s benefit, she felt a sense of emptiness having to sit in the waiting room for six hours every day. She wondered, "Did I leave work and come to school just to sit in this waiting room?" and questioned her own worth. She admitted that it was difficult to talk about the struggles of raising a disabled child. She had no place to go to talk because she was busy caring for her child. Eventually, unable to share her worries, she was diagnosed with adjustment disorder.

Yamamoto-san sitting in a corner of the special school classroom, waiting. (Photo by NHK)

She truly loved her child and thought things were fine as they were, but the days when her heart felt heavy continued. At that time, photography became her refuge. Posting daily life with her cat and Mizuki on social media and reading comments gave her a sense of comfort. She decided to seriously learn photography, her hobby, and enrolled in the Open University of Japan. She began taking photos during the waiting times for her child at school.

Using the self-timer function, she photographed herself as an invisible person and projected her emotions onto objects in the school hallway, capturing each shot carefully. She also wrote about her experiences. She wrote, "Right now, all I see in the school hallway is a pair of slippers. Some people elegantly describe the school waiting time as an 'education method that treats you as if you don’t exist,' but I decided to call myself an 'invisible person.'" She also wrote, "I dyed my hair blonde not because I wanted to look younger or stylish, but simply to cover the many gray hairs that appeared since this lifestyle began."

Mr. Yamamoto taking photos with a camera. (Photo by NHK)

She recounted the experience of being told that mothers should stay out of the way unless needed, and posted a message dedicated "to all mothers who are considered invisible," which gained attention. Her work was shared on social media and caught the eye of a publisher, leading to the release of a photo book last December titled Invisible Mom.

The book has resonated with many parents. Sayaka Yoshimura from Nagano Prefecture said, "Raising a child with a disability brings many internal conflicts. I had thought it was unavoidable, but I believe it is important to also talk about the difficulties and pain," and participated in planning Yamamoto’s photo exhibition.

A woman in her 40s who visited the exhibition told NHK in an interview, "I always felt frustrated thinking I had to be ready to attend to my children at any time. Yamamoto’s work gave me a chance to reconsider my situation." Famous artist Naoko Yamazaki also visited the exhibition and said, "Our existence should belong to ourselves, but many people end up living for others. Mothers don’t have to change. What needs to change are the society, the systems, and us who have not paid attention to this."

Photo book published by Mr. Yamamoto. (Photo by NHK)

Yamamoto said, "More people are getting to know my work and have started calling me by name. I feel like I am gradually escaping from being invisible," and expressed her hope that "mothers, regardless of whether their children have disabilities, can become freer."

She added, "I hope this photo book serves as an example that it’s okay to reveal your feelings," emphasizing, "No matter how children are born, a time will surely come when mothers can choose their own lives."