[Financial Planning for the 100-Year Life] Marital Harmony as Important as Retirement Funds

There was an occasion when I appeared on a TV program dealing with conflicts between retired husbands and their wives. One of the questions posed to the panelists was whether the retired husband being at home during the day made either the husband or wife feel uncomfortable. Most of the male and female panelists answered that they did feel uncomfortable. Female panelists said it was burdensome to have to take care of a retired husband who stays at home, and they felt somewhat restrained and uncomfortable. Moreover, they mentioned that the husband’s clumsy attempts to help with housework and his nagging made them irritated. Male panelists responded that they felt uncomfortable because they sensed their wives were struggling because of them. Some also said that when they helped with housework and were scolded for minor mistakes, they felt both angry and sad.

However, the issue of couple conflicts after the husband’s retirement seems to be much more serious in Japan, which is about 20 years ahead of us in becoming a super-aged society. If you visit bookstores in Tokyo, you will find many books with titles such as “How Couples Can Get Along Well After Retirement,” “User’s Manual for Retired Couples,” “Scary Wives, Useless Husbands Prescription,” and “Taming the Retired Husband.” The reason so many books are published is that conflicts between couples where the husband is retired have escalated into a social problem.

Medical doctor Nobuo Kurokawa explains the risk of couple conflicts after retirement using the term “Husband-at-Home Stress Syndrome.” It means that because the retired husband is at home, the wife experiences severe stress that worsens her health. Symptoms appear in various forms such as depression, high blood pressure, asthma, panic disorder, cancer phobia, duodenal ulcers, and kitchen drinking. Since the illness is caused by the husband, it is also called “Fugenbyo” (husband-originated illness).

In the United States, which has a couple culture, joint actions by spouses are taken for granted. Even when one has to go on a business trip or transfer, the spouse’s consent is required. One must always pay attention to the spouse and constantly care about the affection between the couple. The most important thing in a marriage is not affection itself but the behavior that expresses affection. Therefore, in the U.S., the possibility of new conflicts arising between spouses due to the husband’s retirement is not very high.

In contrast, Japanese couples have acted in largely separate worlds, so they did not pay much attention to each other’s circumstances and could focus on their own work. Husbands do not need special approval from their wives when going on business trips or transfers. Thanks to this, they could work hard at their companies. Wives, after focusing on housework and finishing child-rearing, find their own sense of fulfillment through part-time jobs, hobbies, and community activities.

In Japan, although the number and rate of divorces have significantly decreased over the past 20 years, the proportion of middle-aged and late-life divorces among marriages lasting 20 years or more increased from 13.9% in 1990 to 21.1% in 2020, about 1.5 times higher. The problem lies in the triggers for considering middle-aged and late-life divorces. Along with traditional reasons such as personality differences, financial issues, and spouse’s infidelity, one important trigger from the wife’s perspective is that the husband is retired and stays at home.

From the husband’s point of view, this may seem like a ridiculous reason, but what can be done when it is reality? Because of this, Japanese retirement planning experts advise couples approaching retirement to make special efforts to maintain harmony after retirement. In particular, they recommend that even after retirement, couples should try to have their own time during the day as much as possible. Recognizing that marital harmony is as important as retirement funds, preparations should be made from the active working years.

Changhee Kang, Representative of Truston Asset Management Pension Forum