[One Thousand Characters a Day] From Today, I Decided to Cry for Myself <2>

Editor's Note"As I entered my fifties, my voice grew uncontrollably loud to the point where I could no longer control it myself. A voice filled with resentment would come out, and some say it even sounds like a man's voice." Middle-aged women who are wrapping up the first half of their lives rarely had time to think about ‘themselves.’ They were more accustomed to living for their family, children, and others, believing that was a woman’s life. Growing up in an era that valued traditional values, they suppressed natural inner traits such as childlikeness and femininity, making it even harder to understand who they truly are. Psychotherapist Park Seong-man’s new book From Today, I Decided to Cry for Myself guides these women to break free from lives lost in caring for others and to rediscover a ‘life true to themselves.’ Word count: 900.

Significant events from childhood are inevitable foreshadowing in life. Foreshadowing cannot simply be described as good or bad luck. It is fate. Life builds its house upon those events. Now, you must realize that your masculinity was not your true nature, and that the resentful voice was not a trait but an emotion that needed to be released.

The moment you were born, you were left in the upper corner of the room, and your mother could not hold you because she was worried about her in-laws. Even as a late-born child, she dressed you in boys’ clothes and raised you like a boy, hoping to have a son. Your mother, determined to raise you strong, remained indifferent. You had to become your mother’s stronger son.

The time for mourning has come. The question ‘Why am I like this?’ has been answered. Your cries, whose cause you did not know, were laments born from accumulated past sorrows. The deeper the mourning in middle age, the more it makes you a steadfast and unshakable being.

You must meet the emotions you have suppressed, considering them childish acts of a girl from childhood until now. When you cry, sorrowful emotions are purified. Since you no longer have to complain to be understood, the suppressed femininity within you naturally rises to consciousness. Your voice no longer needs to grow louder to be heard; it becomes calm and gentle. To correct habits ingrained in your body for over half a lifetime, conscious effort is necessary.

Now is not the time to assert your presence by speaking loudly outwardly. It is time to turn inward and have sincere conversations with the inner child you have neglected. At this urgent time of change, the archetype sends signals to consciousness even through intense emotions. The ‘child archetype’ has sent you signals for your sake. The archetype is kind. As long as you follow the archetype’s guidance, there is nothing to regret, nothing to miss, and no pain. When you harmonize with the archetype, profound inner peace comes to you.

- Park Seong-man, From Today, I Decided to Cry for Myself, Chusubat, 17,000 KRW