[How About This Book] Yes, I Was Emotionally Struggling

Treatment involves cognitive habit training
Viewing situations from a third-person perspective
Meditation focusing on breathing and bodily sensations
Just 3 minutes daily can alleviate compulsions

There are people who find living life particularly difficult. When they are young, it might be dismissed as just childhood struggles, but even as they grow older, their situation does not improve and sometimes they endure even greater pain. Many of them suspect developmental disabilities and visit hospitals, assuming that their development has not reached the normal level expected for their age.

However, receiving a proper diagnosis at a hospital is not easy. Although thorough medical interviews, examinations, and tests are necessary, often decisions are made based on simple interviews alone. In many cases, despite personal suffering, they are diagnosed as ‘no abnormalities.’ In such cases, the individuals feel that they are unnecessarily struggling with something that is not unbearably difficult, which adds to their distress.

That said, it does not mean there is no problem. Takashi Okada, an expert in psychiatry and neuroscience, analyzes in his book Why Is Living So Hard? (Dongyang Books) that many of these people belong to a borderline area called the ‘gray zone.’ He explains, “In fact, those in the gray zone often suffer more severely than those diagnosed with disabilities. Because they are not diagnosed as disabled, they do not receive special consideration or support,” adding, “Rather than simply being in a ‘non-disabled state,’ they often experience a fundamentally different kind of suffering.”

The cases vary. Some repeatedly perform certain behaviors or fail to read social cues, and some have reduced empathy. Others are several times more sensitive than average or have difficulty organizing due to distractibility. The author introduces each of these traits through examples of famous people.

Those who are overly sensitive and easily hurt also fall into the gray zone. This type is stressed by excessively paying attention to others’ facial expressions or gestures, commonly referred to as HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). They generally have strong empathy, but this can cause them to become easily exhausted from caring too much about others and to take on disadvantageous roles by prioritizing others.

The author classifies this as an ‘insecure attachment style’ and points to the upbringing environment as the cause. It is a typical symptom seen in people who grew up constantly watching their parents’ moods, who were emotionally unstable or changed their attitudes drastically depending on their own feelings.

A similar type is the ‘fear-avoidant attachment style.’ This style combines anxious and avoidant traits, where individuals are extremely concerned about whether they are accepted but avoid close relationships to prevent getting hurt. They tend to be passive in social interactions and reluctant to take on challenges due to fear of rejection. The author explains, “Even if they have personal abilities, many tend to stay secluded at home or struggle to adapt socially. Neurological dysfunction is not severe, but because living and interacting with others is difficult, they may feel life is very hard.” In such cases, psychosomatic symptoms often appear, manifesting as shoulder stiffness, headaches, dizziness, stomach pain, or diarrhea.

The author introduces Natsume Soseki, revered as the father of modern Japanese literature, as a related figure. According to the author, Soseki was repeatedly adopted and then rejected during childhood, growing up in an unstable environment without a sense of belonging. Fortunately, he excelled as a writer, but suffered because his adoptive father continuously demanded money. With a sensitive personality, he often vented anger on his children and frequently abused his wife. The author notes, “It was not just sensitivity; he was trapped in delusions that even his family harbored ill will toward him,” explaining, “Such deep-seated distrust of people in fear-avoidant types is often related to trauma they have experienced.”

Treatment is not impossible. The key is ‘cognitive habit training.’ The author advises, “Repeatedly practice broadening your perspective by viewing situations from the other person’s point of view and from a third-party perspective,” and recommends, “Even just three minutes a day of mindfulness meditation, focusing on breathing and bodily sensations to feel yourself as you are, can alleviate obsessive thoughts.”

Additionally, the book introduces symptoms, causes, and coping methods for social communication gray zone issues, where individuals appear sociable and get along well with friends but somehow use language inappropriately, fail to grasp subtle nuances in conversations, and struggle to express themselves properly.

Why Is Living So Hard? | Written by Takashi Okada | Dongyang Books | 232 pages | 15,500 KRW