[The Era of Being Single] Parents' Wish is 'My Marriage'... The Sorrows of the Kangaroo Generation

⑤ Conflicting Values Between Parents and Children Surrounding Marriage
Celebrity Parents Also Worry About Their Children's Marriage
Stories from a Mother Living with Her Daughter in Her 40s

Editor's NoteIn a world where marriage is not mandatory, meeting someone who chooses to remain single is no longer a strange experience. Who chooses to remain single, and why? The issue is not only society's biased views surrounding singlehood. There are also vague perspectives that regard it as an object of admiration. We examine the pros and cons of the so-called 'single life.'

"When I was young, I wanted to get married quickly, but now I have no intention of marrying at all. I just got scolded by my mom."

Male celebrity Kim Hee-chul's conversation with a colleague is captured on a TV screen. The expression of Kim's mother watching the scene in the studio becomes complicated. This is a scene from the TV variety show 'My Ugly Duckling,' which features single celebrities and their parents together for observation. Most parents appearing on the program are filled with concern for their 'still unmarried' children.

Since its start in 2016, this variety show has maintained high popularity for eight years. This is because the relationships between the parents and children featured, despite varying degrees, resonate with all parents who have single children.

The dynamic of children who are reluctant to marry and parents who anxiously hope they will marry soon is still reproduced in many households today. The value conflicts between children and parents over marriage and the resulting awkward relationships are another aspect of the 'single era.'

In the parents' generation, the perception that 'marriage is something you must do' was strong. However, now the perception that 'marriage is something you may or may not do' is prevalent. According to a social survey conducted by Statistics Korea targeting the population aged 13 and above, the percentage of respondents who answered 'marriage is a must' sharply dropped from 23.6% in 2008 to 15.3%.

Rather, a social atmosphere favoring singlehood is also sensed. An online survey agency PMI conducted a survey on 'marriage plans of unmarried men and women' targeting 2,400 men and women aged 19 to 59 nationwide on March 8, World Women's Day, and found that 61.4% responded that they 'currently have no marriage plans.'

Cases where children live separately from their parents, like in My Ugly Duckling, are somewhat better. Single children who live with their parents without marrying must face daily value conflicts with their parents.

[Image source=Yonhap News]

Unlike Western societies where children are encouraged to become independent as soon as they reach adulthood, in Korea, living with parents even after becoming an adult, entering university, or getting a job has been viewed with leniency. However, this came with the premise that 'children will eventually marry, establish a family, and become independent.'

Co-residence of parents and single children without the premise of marriage and independence can be a source of stress for both parties. Children feel stressed living with parents who do not understand their single lifestyle, and even if they do not live together, they have to endure nagging about 'when will you get married?' through various channels. If they live with their parents and are economically dependent, known as 'Kangaroo tribe,' they also bear the burden of economic independence.

Parents, on their part, find it difficult to understand the values of children who have passed the marriageable age but remain unmarried, and worry about how long their children will continue to remain single. They may become depressed comparing their situation with peers, and if children live with them, they also bear economic and material burdens.

Single children living with their parents are also considered a social issue. According to the '2022 Youth Life Survey' conducted by the Office for Government Policy Coordination targeting 15,000 households of youth aged 19 to 34, 57.5% of youth belonged to households with parents or other family members.

Single children living with their parents are disparagingly called 'Kangaroo tribe,' meaning they live off their parents. The neighboring country Japan is even worse, where they are treated as 'parasites' (parasite singles).

However, research also shows that parents can accept and coexist with their single children during co-residence. A 2019 phenomenological study published in the Korean Counseling Association journal titled 'Psychological Experiences of Mothers Living with Single Adult Daughters in Middle Age' included in-depth interviews with six mothers living with their daughters aged 40 and above.

The mothers initially experienced value conflicts, saying, "Without a family, it feels like floating in the air," but over time, they accepted their daughters' singlehood, saying, "Even being alone is not that comfortable."

The author, Myung-ok Lee, explained, "Participants initially experienced severe internal conflicts in accepting their daughters' singlehood, but through transitional changes in the mother-daughter relationship, they gradually recognized singlehood as their daughters' unique way of life."