[The Second Take] A Father and Daughter's Love Eventually Finds Its Balance

Memories of a Hazy Trip with Her Father in 'Aftersun'
A Daughter More Interested in Herself and Her Peers Than Her Dad
Only Realizing Her Father’s Hidden Efforts After Reaching His Age

In the film 'Aftersun,' Sophie (Frankie Corio) recalls a trip to T?rkiye with her father Calum (Paul Mescal) when she was eleven years old. The memories are not clear. She tries to approach the reality using the footage recorded on a camcorder as a guide. Her father had divorced and lived alone. He always smiled brightly but was somehow frail and pale. At that time, Sophie was not curious. She was too young and paid more attention to herself and unfamiliar older siblings. Her father tried hard to hide his illness. Throughout, he kept meeting her at eye level and worried about his daughter's future.

"You know you can tell me anything, right? Whether you go to some party when you’re older, meet some guy, or even take drugs..." "Dad!" "I’m serious, Sophie. I’ve done all that stuff, so you can talk to me about anything." "Yeah, but I won’t do that." "Okay, I understand."

A warm and affectionate face is not formed in an instant. Human relationships are not seamless, flat concrete highways. They are like gravel roads made up of small stones, short moments, and pieces gathered together. Children need the father who is present in that place. This is not a sentimental wish. Dr. Kimberly Rachel Ann Leary earned her PhD analyzing the impact of fathers on adolescent daughters. According to her thesis, adolescent daughters think of their fathers as more significant than they actually are, even if the relationship is distant or they do not receive much attention. They regard their fathers as psychologically significant figures in their lives.

Calum cannot be a constant protective barrier due to divorce and pain. Therefore, he provides greater psychological comfort and reassurance, inducing profound change. The key is forming a relationship. He does not try to fix or solve Sophie’s problems. He simply tries to understand. Understanding requires putting aside one’s own assertions and deeply entering the child’s world. It is not a race to provide answers and reach conclusions but a journey together, observing what the child’s anxieties are.

Psychologist Kevin Leman wrote in his book When Daughters Need Their Dads, "No matter how much the male hormones inside me scream and push me to reach a conclusion quickly, the child wants me to focus on the process." "What I need is not to hear 'Sweetheart, the answer is simple.' What I need is empathy like this: 'Sweetheart, it seems that problem really upsets you. Would you like to talk to Dad about it?'"

Sophie tries to understand the sincerity only when she reaches the same age as her father was then. Imagining the moments when her father secretly cried, she realizes his astonishing devotion and consistency. There are not enough fragments to pick up and approach the reality. Even the face she meets in her dreams is confusing?whether it is smiling or crying. But remembering her father’s warm embrace, she rediscovers the forgotten drive. It is the 'love' that Queen’s Freddie Mercury and David Bowie emphasized so much while singing 'Under Pressure.'

"Love, love, love / Madness laughs at us as we break under pressure / Can we give ourselves one more chance? / Can we give love one more chance? / Why can’t we give love, love, love? / Because love is such an old-fashioned word now / But love will care for those at the edge of the night / And love will change the way we care for ourselves / This is our last dance / It’s who we are."