[How About This Book] Husband Lied?…Caught Red-Handed! That Hand Gesture

The "Avoiding Eye Contact = Lying" Hypothesis Is Outdated
Even Liars Know
Unconscious Body Language Is the Signal
Show Open Palms to Reveal Truth
To Understand Intentions, Watch the Pupils, Not the Eyes
Parts of the Body Hard to Control
Pupils Can Dilate Up to 4 Times When Excited or Happy

"Look me straight in the eye and tell me." There is a common belief that when people lie, their gaze wavers and they avoid eye contact. When someone suspects another of lying, they often say this and focus on the shaking and avoidance of the other person's gaze. However, the couple authors of You’ve Already Been Read, who have studied body language since the 1970s, say that this does not reveal the truth. The hypothesis ‘eye avoidance = lying’ is so well known that liars tend to look more directly at you while delivering deceptive words. Instead, they advise focusing on body language that cannot be controlled.

According to the authors, body language precedes verbal language. Analyzing sales interviews and negotiation processes from the 1970s to 1980s showed that body language influenced 60-80% of the negotiation table outcomes. The authors explain, "Humans generally make final decisions based on what they see with their eyes rather than what they hear with their ears."

However, body language can basically be faked. One can create a plausible exterior that differs from their true feelings. In situations where one needs to gain others’ favor, people create an impression of sincerity and put on artificial smiles. Politicians also use body language to capture voters’ hearts.

First, the hands have a great influence on body language. Since long ago, people have shown their palms as evidence that they do not hold weapons, proving they have no intention to harm the other person. This is also why handshakes have become a global greeting custom. The authors say that showing the palms is an unconscious body language signal indicating that the person is telling the truth.

So, if someone does not show their hands, does that mean they are lying? It is highly possible. The authors point out that children often hide their palms behind their backs when lying or hiding something, and husbands who come home late and make excuses to their wives often put their hands in their pockets or hide their palms. Incidentally, women tend to keep their hands busy with various fidgety actions when lying.

Then, if someone extends their hands while talking, can it give the other person a sense of trust? The authors answer ‘yes.’ However, they warn that if someone tries to abuse this, it will contradict other characteristic elements that appear when lying, so unless the liar is very skilled, they are likely to be caught. An interesting claim is that the ‘law of cause and effect’ applies to the palms; the authors say, "If you habitually show your palms, the habit of lying gradually disappears." Since gestures are directly connected to emotions, emotions influence gestures and facial expressions.

The authors explain the influence of palms on emotions by citing the Nazi salute used in the past. If you want to keep someone under strong control, raise your hand high with the palm facing downward; this posture symbolizes authority and gives strength to commands directed at those who comply. Regarding the Nazi salute posture, the authors say, "This gesture was a symbol of the Third Reich’s power and dictatorship," and "If Hitler had used a salute with the palm facing upward, no one would have feared the Nazis."

On the other hand, showing both palms facing upward is a submissive and non-threatening gesture. The authors explain that adopting this posture is effective when you want to hear someone’s deep inner story.

The authors introduce many such types of body language. How can you tell if someone’s smile is sincere? They provide a tip: not only the mouth smiles, but the muscles around the mouth move, the cheeks lift upward, wrinkles form around the eyes, and the eyebrows slightly lower.

The greatest benefit of this book is that it introduces attitudes that give a favorable impression to others while also explaining how to distinguish attitudes that disguise favorability. For example, it might seem that people who deceive with clever lies smile more while talking, but (unless they are practiced con artists) statistics show they smile less. Additionally, unconscious actions such as covering the mouth, touching the nose, rubbing the eyes, touching the ears, or scratching the neck are introduced as suspicious behaviors indicating lying.

In fact, the above can be somewhat controlled with practice. However, there is a physical symptom difficult to control even with practice: the pupils. Pupils change according to mood and attitude. When excited or happy, they can dilate up to four times their normal size; when angry or upset, they constrict. According to Eckhard Hess, a pioneer in pupil measurement research, pupils dilate when looking at an attractive person of the opposite sex. They also dilate maximally when finding the solution to a problem they have been seeking. Based on this, the authors explain, "When you want to read someone’s intentions, look at their eyes, but more precisely, the ‘pupils.’ Observing the pupils allows you to read the other person’s emotions." According to them, humans are more influenced by body language signals than verbal signals, and among those, eye signals have the greatest weight. Women generally have better overall signal interpretation skills than men.

You’ve Already Been Read | Written by Allan Pease & Barbara Pease | Flow Publishing | 328 pages | 18,800 KRW