[Power K-Women] Professor Lisa Son: "Let's Have the Courage to Take Off the Mask... Let Them Know We Tried"

Lisa Sohn, Professor of Psychology at Columbia University Barnard College

"I Still Wear Masks Too"
Growing Up Wearing Masks as a Woman and Asian American

Overcoming Through Writing and Conversations with Children
"Let Go of the Idea That It's Innate... Safely Be Revealed"
"Not All Masks Are Bad... Let's Wear Healthy Masks"

Editor's NoteAsia Economy selected 40 women from various fields at home and abroad as 'Power K-Women' at the '2022 Women Leaders Forum' held on October 19. These are women leaders who, despite facing all kinds of barriers and boundaries such as gender, race, disability, and poverty, did not yield to them but broke or transcended these boundaries to create new and universal values. Their stories will provide comfort to a weary world and serve as role models for someone, giving the community the strength to move forward again.

[Asia Economy Reporter Chunhee Lee] "I also wear a lot of masks."

Lisa Son, a professor of psychology at Barnard College, Columbia University, who has emphasized the need to break free from the 'impostor' mask worn to appear okay and perfect, confessed that she herself has not yet completely taken off her mask.

The first mask Professor Son wore was language. Although she was born in the United States, she grew up with Korean parents and was not fluent in English. Professor Son recalled, "When I spoke English in elementary school, I made mistakes, so the kids laughed and teased me," adding, "To hide this, I started studying excessively and began scoring perfect 100s on tests. Then my friends and teachers started saying, 'Lisa, your English is good, you're smart.'"

The vicious cycle began. She knew well that she was not good at English, but since she achieved perfect scores on tests, no one doubted her ability. Moreover, the moment she was labeled 'smart' or 'genius,' the effort she put in became a shameful secret that had to be hidden behind her back. Professor Son pointed out, "Scores have no process," and said, "Many people think test scores are 'real,' but this shows a lack of metacognition (accurately understanding what one knows and does not know) about themselves."

As she grew, the masks increased one by one. "I liked sports, but my parents said, 'Don't run around,' 'You should dress nicely,'" said Professor Son, adding, "I had to wear many masks such as being a girl, the eldest daughter, pretending to be good, and pretending to be quiet." Teachers accepted other kids being noisy as normal but told her, "Lisa, you shouldn't do that." Professors were especially disappointed if her test scores were not good. Socially, in the U.S., she had to act as a Korean American, and in Korea, she had to pretend to be Korean, so the masks multiplied daily. Professor Son lamented, "The biggest problem with masks is that as you get used to them, you mistakenly believe they are innate," adding, "You become unable to change yourself and stop yourself by thinking, 'I am this kind of daughter,' 'I am this kind of woman.'"

Her interest in psychology also stemmed from this background. Professor Son said, "Although I didn't know concepts like metacognition or masks when I was young, I was aware of 'pretending' early on," and added, "Being a Korean American, I was also very interested in cultural things, so I became interested in psychology and chose it as my major."

Professor Lisa Sohn, a psychology professor at Barnard College, Columbia University, is giving a special lecture titled "Women's Psychology, Women's Courage" at the "2022 Women Leaders Forum" held last month at Lotte Hotel in Jung-gu, Seoul. Photo by Jinhyung Kang aymsdream@

What was the turning point that allowed her to take off the mask she had worn for so long? Professor Son reflected that writing books and raising children helped her remove the mask. She said, "After my first book () was published, my mask was exposed, and in the second book (), I confessed everything," adding, "I am fake. Neither Korean nor American, I have many problems, always crying and hiding, and I put all of that in the book." What followed was liberation.

Professor Son said, "Since then, I have felt very comfortable," emphasizing, "The happiest thing is that my daughter and son no longer need to wear masks." Raising a daughter and son, she takes them to Korea every year during vacation to receive Korean-style education. Professor Son proudly said, "My children do what they want and develop their own opinions," adding, "In Korea, they boast about coming from the U.S., and in the U.S., they boast about being Korean."

She explained that this greatly helped her children take off their masks. "Children forgive everything when they see their parents make mistakes," and through this, they practice 'safe exposure.' However, she also said she still feels sad when she sees her children's friends. Professor Son said, "When I see my children's friends, they are still hiding like I did when I was young," lamenting, "In Korea, the obsession with being perfect is so strong that masks are still not easily removed."

What should one do to discard masks? Professor Son said the first thing is to abandon the idea that it is 'innate.' This is why she is wary of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) test. Professor Son warned, "When the result says you are introverted (I), you put yourself into the box of being introverted," adding, "This is also a mask as much as you evaluate yourself, but children tend to believe the scored indicators as they are."

At the same time, she said, "You should not be afraid of being exposed." She revealed, "I once delayed applying for promotion from associate professor to full professor for four years because I was afraid of evaluation," adding, "I was afraid that it would be revealed during the evaluation process that my achievements were not due to innate talent but to effort."

However, Professor Son also made it clear that not all masks are bad. She said, "Since masks can be a kind of courtesy, not all masks can be considered bad." For example, if after putting on makeup, you can proudly say what and how you applied it, that is rather a 'healthy mask.' Professor Son added, "The problem with impostors is hiding the fact that you are wearing a mask," emphasizing, "The important thing is whether you can choose and reveal it yourself with the thought that you don't have to be nervous or afraid of being exposed."

Professor Lisa Son Profile

▲Bachelor's degree from University of Pennsylvania ▲Ph.D. from Columbia University ▲Visiting Researcher at Princeton Institute for Advanced Study ▲Professor of Psychology at Barnard College, Columbia University ▲Major works: ,