Lisa Sohn "Stop Pretending to Be Perfect or Okay... Have the Courage to Take Off the Mask" [2022 Women’s Forum]

Lisa Sohn, Columbia University Bernard College Psychology Professor
'2022 Women Leaders Forum' Special Lecture
'Women's Psychology, Women's Courage'

Second-generation Immigrant Woman... "Wore a Perfect Mask"
"Sometimes Can't Raise Issues for Fear of Mask Being Revealed"

Korea Knows Everyone Wears Masks
"Society Has Become Hard to Forgive Each Other"

"Must Have Courage to Remove the Mask"
Must Attempt 'Safe Exposure'

[Asia Economy Reporter Lee Chun-hee] "It is difficult to trust or forgive when everyone is wearing masks. We need to show our imperfect selves."

At the '2022 Women Leaders Forum' held on the 19th at Lotte Hotel in Sogong-dong, Seoul, Professor Lisa Sohn, a psychology professor at Columbia University's Barnard College, gave a special lecture titled 'Women's Psychology, Women's Courage.' She introduced herself by saying, "I am really a person without courage, so I am still very nervous." She began her lecture by saying, "I think not only myself but many of you here are people without courage. I want to talk about how to gain courage to overcome this."

Professor Sohn, a second-generation Korean American born into an immigrant family in the United States, started with her childhood story. She said, "I liked school, but I realized very quickly that I was different from other kids at school," and added, "I enjoyed intense sports that boys usually liked, but my friends would ask, 'Lisa, why are you here?'" She recalled that during this process, psychological issues such as 'being Asian (in the U.S.),' 'being a woman,' and 'being Korean' began to emerge.

First, regarding being Asian, Professor Sohn said, "In the U.S., Asians are described as 'successful through hard work,' 'respected for their own efforts,' and 'not bothering others,'" and warned, "Although these sound like compliments, they are actually dangerous statements." She pointed out, "Because you have to keep pretending to be perfect and okay, you actually cannot receive help," and added, "Even white people know this, so when Asians ask for help, they find it strange."

Professor Sohn described this as a 'mask.' She said that Asians live as 'impostors' wearing masks to pretend to be okay and perfect. She said she herself lived this way. "I cried alone every day and studied all night," she explained, "I had to hide my efforts even while trying to act smart and as if I was born that way."

She went on to say that women also wear masks to appear perfect. She particularly pointed out that these issues act as double hardships for Asian women in American society. They face not only the 'glass ceiling' but also the 'bamboo ceiling' simultaneously. Professor Sohn expressed concern, saying, "Because they keep pretending to be perfect, they become afraid of making mistakes and often end up running away."

She also explained that these masks eventually lead to accepting discrimination. She said, "South Korea has the largest gender wage gap, but people cannot raise the issue of low wages to their bosses," analyzing the reason as "fear of being found out." When they raise the issue and get rebutted with 'Why should we raise your wages?' they become unable to raise the issue at all, fearing that their pretense of perfection will be exposed.

Professor Lisa Sohn, a psychology professor at Columbia University's Barnard College, is giving a special lecture titled "Women's Psychology, Women's Courage" at the "2022 Women Leaders Forum" held on the 19th at Lotte Hotel in Jung-gu, Seoul. Photo by Jinhyung Kang aymsdream@

Finally, Professor Sohn pointed out that South Korea is a society where impostors are widespread. She cited the example of the 'prisoner's dilemma' game. In this game where you do not know whether to trust or betray the other, the choices of Koreans and Americans were completely different after knowing the other's choice. When the other betrayed and showed a happy face saying 'I tricked you,' or a regretful face saying 'I'm sorry,' Americans were greatly influenced by the facial expressions, but Koreans were not influenced at all and only saw the betrayal itself, retaliating regardless of the expression. Also, Koreans' reactions differed depending on whether the other was Korean or American. Participants trusted the facial expressions of Americans but still only looked at the actions of Koreans.

Regarding this, Professor Sohn said, "Koreans know that everyone is wearing masks," and pointed out, "Korean society is a society where it is hard to forgive each other." As a result, she evaluated, "It became a society where mistakes cannot be forgiven, so you must not make mistakes," and "It became a society where people live cautiously under stress."

So how can this be overcome? Professor Sohn returned to the beginning of her lecture. She said, "The first thing I said when I started my speech was 'I am nervous,'" and added, "You have to show that you are nervous so that it is safe to be found out." By being found out early and making mistakes early, one can be forgiven more easily. Finally, she advised, "You need to find people who show their imperfect selves," and "Then you will be able to take off your mask too."