Wait a moment! Please ask me once before disconnecting, not "Latte..." but "What do you like?"

[2020 New Year Project - Generational Coexistence, Building Society Together]
<10·End> Living with Millennials

Both Older and Young Generations Want Communication
Start Conversations with Common Interests and Hobbies
The Process of Getting to Know Each Other Is Meaningful

Older Generation Should Empathize Openly with Young People's Real Issues Like Employment and Marriage
Youth Need Attitudes of Respect and Listening

[Asia Economy Reporter Lee Gwan-ju] "Hand in hand / Over the wall / To make the world we live in a better place." This is the chorus of "Hand in Hand," the official theme song of the 1988 Seoul Olympics sung by the singer Koreana. Although 32 years have passed since the song was released, this phrase still holds meaning. The "586 generation," representing the current older generation, sang this song in their youth, calling for harmony, and the millennial generation born around that time has now grown into the 2030 youth. Can they overcome the huge "communication wall" before them by holding hands together?

"Communication is necessary. But..."

There is one thing that neither the older generation nor the youth deny: the necessity of communication. They intellectually understand that to get to know each other better and to have sincere communication, both sides need to take a step forward. But what makes them hesitate when it’s not even unrequited love? Let’s first hear from the youth. Maltese-neunchamjiankki (29, alias) who has been a cable TV PD for 5 years pointed to the culture of "hierarchy" based on age and rank as the cause. "When we talk, sometimes people indirectly say things like 'Is this kid trying to compete with me?' or express it through facial expressions and gestures. Isn’t true coexistence difficult when people are lined up vertically?" The words of Father Kim (31), who is on the path to becoming a Catholic priest, are similar. "The saying 'Even the rivers and mountains change in ten years' is now outdated. In ten years, culture changes, lifestyles change, and the spirit of the times renews. It seems clear that generations with gaps in these various fields find it hard to coexist."

The older generation’s diagnosis is no different. LifeIsBeautiful (55), a social worker, said, "I think the thoughts on what coexistence means and how to respect each other are different. Especially, the older generation not only treats the younger generation with an authoritarian attitude but also values etiquette so much that it sometimes cuts off communication that should be freely conducted."

It is natural that the values of a generation that has seen the landscape change more than three times differ. The problem is how to handle those differences. Failure in this task ultimately leads to conflict. The instinct to reject the 'fatigue' that follows conflict and the attitude to avoid it lead to a breakdown in communication.

The start of communication is 'finding common ground'

So how can we break the deep-rooted communication gap? Both the older generation and the youth focus on the solution of finding "common ground." Instead of topics that might cause conflict, they suggest getting to know each other’s thoughts through shared interests or hobbies. Eagles (32), a 5-year office worker, overcame the difficulty of talking with his taciturn father through a "hobby." "My father was very strict, so when I was in college, we barely talked. But I found out late that he liked billiards. I also played a lot of billiards in college. We watched billiards on TV or YouTube together and sometimes went to billiard halls, and we talked a lot. Now, I’m not scared to be with my father anymore."

It is difficult to create a hobby out of nowhere immediately, but the process of discovering it itself becomes communication. LifeIsBeautiful (55) said, "Just asking questions like ‘Who is your favorite celebrity? What songs do you like? What food do you like?’ became a conversation. We also watched movies together, ate together, and shared impressions after watching movies, trying hard to have many conversations." Manager Kim (52), an ordinary office worker, is also one of the older generation who made such efforts. "It’s not a big interest of mine, but I knew a little about games, so I talked with juniors about what I knew. It was my own effort, and the response wasn’t bad."

There is a popular phrase symbolizing the "kkondae" (old-fashioned authoritarian) called "Latte-neun mariya (Latte is horse)." This phrase mocks the older generation stuck in the past by parodying "Back in my day." It means talking about things that "I (the older generation) know but you don’t," not things we share in common. In other words, older generations who communicate well with the youth talk about "the present we share," not "my time." Conversations about what the older generation experienced and wants to pass on to the millennial generation can only happen after that.

Youth want 'respect,' older generation want 'open minds'

SahaHoneyFist (53), a self-employed person in Busan, also pointed to "understanding reality" as a virtue of communication. "The older generation should empathize with and understand the employment and marriage problems young people face now. Isn’t the biggest virtue that the older generation reaches out first?" Father Kim (31) shares a similar view. "There needs to be an attitude of respecting and listening to the older generation. Beyond generations, respect for humans, a serious attitude toward dialogue, and a clear awareness of current issues are necessary."

The youth dream of a society where youthful spirit is tolerated. "If we just get absorbed into the old organizations without any effort, the world won’t change. I think the younger generation should also show more courage and the spirit to change wrong cultures or systems," said Maltese-neun-chamjiankki (29). Can the older generation accept this? LifeIsBeautiful (55) responded, "An open mind that can create a free communication atmosphere is the virtue of communication for the older generation."

As more millennials enter the workplace and society, conflicts between generations will increase. This will repeat even after millennials become the older generation. However, generational conflicts may not be differences in values and positions that are hard to bridge but may simply stem from differences in expression and attitude. Moreover, the social eruption of conflicts gives us an "opportunity to seek ways of communication." Since neither the old nor the new generation can live without the other, we must willingly accept even these conflicts. Sometimes by straightforward methods, sometimes by detours. Water flowing through a valley creates deep grooves but also drives the ecosystem. Whether to build higher walls in front of us or break them down to create a healthy society depends on all of us, neither just the older generation nor the millennials.

※We thank the anonymous interviewees who actively participated in our in-depth interviews over two months and the experts who helped us.

Ddudu (22, office worker), Hunnyeo (22, university student), MyeongryangCheongnyeon (22, university student), SlamDunk (22, university student), ShabuShabu (23, university student), Alice (25, job seeker), KimWriter (27, freelancer), JobBreaker (27, university student), Flosiman (29, office worker), Maltese-neunchamjiankki (29, PD), MapoManlyMan (30, startup preparer), JobSuccessMan (30, new employee), Kingdom (30, office worker), Thomas (30, office worker), YeouidoSugarMan (31, office worker), FireMan (31, public enterprise), VitaminIsLacking (31, office worker), Father Kim (31, religious person), MapoCatDaddy (32, former sales), HwagokLeBron (32, accounting), Eagles (32, office worker), Jay (32, broadcasting station), BulgamaJjimjilbang (33, public official), SincereMan (33, office worker), Freeman (33, freelancer), PoppyILoveYou (33, office worker), Josh (34, office worker), AirportMan (34, office worker), MalTeacher (34, teacher), ChickenBreastSalad (34, office worker), Ambidextrous (34, IT industry), IncheonSenUnnie (35, office worker), NecktieTroop (41, office worker), Manager Kim (52, office worker), AppleFan (53, school staff), SahaHoneyFist (53, self-employed), LifeSecondAct (55, insurance), LifeIsBeautiful (55, social worker), SonLet’sGetMarried (61, housewife). Total 39 people (by age).

Professor Kwak Geum-ju, Department of Psychology, Seoul National University; Director Kim Yong-seop, Sharp Imagination Research Institute; Professor Park Jong-min, Department of Media and Communication, Kyung Hee University; Professor Song Jae-ryong, Department of Sociology, Kyung Hee University; Professor Lee Eun-hyung, Department of Business Administration, Kookmin University; Professor Lim Myung-ho, Department of Psychology, Dankook University; Professor Cho Young-tae, Graduate School of Public Health, Seoul National University; Professor Choi Hang-seop, Department of Sociology, Kookmin University (in alphabetical order)