[Voices of the MZ Generation Column] The One Who Hates Is the One Who Loses

Hatred and Gossip Are Inevitable Human Instincts
Obsessing Over Criticism Is Nothing but a Waste of Life
Erase the Wounds, Grow by Loving, and Mature

There is a realization I have gained from consistently posting on social networking services (SNS) and publishing books. It is that it is completely natural for someone to dislike me. However, when I was younger, I could not accept this obvious fact and believed that there should be no one in the world who hated me. The very existence of someone who disliked me felt unbearable, and I thought that either I or that person must be fundamentally at fault.

But after turning thirty and experiencing various reactions to my writings and books, I came to understand, "Ah, being disliked is only natural." In fact, looking back, I doubt there has ever been a single person in human history who was not disliked by someone. Even saints like Jesus or Buddha were hated by many. How arrogant it was for me to think that I, of all people, could be exempt from being disliked.

No matter how we live, no matter how hard we try to be kind and good, and no matter how much we strive to avoid even a trace of dislike from others, there will always be someone who dislikes us. This is as inevitable as the fact that bacteria and viruses can never be completely eradicated from the world. Even if I said nothing and simply walked around breathing, there would still be someone who disliked me. They might say, "Who does that person think they are, just walking around and breathing?"

It is impossible for someone who expresses themselves to be free from being disliked. If we speak, write, or express ourselves in any way, there will inevitably be people who dislike us. If we express ourselves every day, it is safe to say that new people will dislike us every day. Sometimes, just the fact that someone holds a different opinion is enough for others to dislike them.

Similarly, no one can be completely free from being talked about behind their back. The moment we interact with others, enter their field of vision, or say anything to them, someone somewhere is bound to gossip about us. Being too nice can even be a problem. There will always be someone who complains, "That person is just pretending to be nice." This is one of the unavoidable truths of life, just like accepting that people age and wrinkles form around their eyes.

Nevertheless, we are all vulnerable and often get hurt by even the smallest remarks from others. At such times, perhaps the best thought to have is, "The person who hates is the one who loses." Hating someone only wastes their own energy and mind, as they obsess over the object of their hatred and squander their life with the energy of resentment. In reality, by hating me, they are wasting time that could have been spent loving something else. So perhaps we should accept life by leaning on this truth.

Therefore, if I have a goal in life, it is to waste as little of it as possible on hating and resenting others. Even if there is someone I dislike, it is better to think about them less and simply erase them from my life. The more I dwell on them, the more I lose. I had to go through many wounds before I learned this truth. But all of it was necessary. Everyone grows up by being hurt in this way. And after that, eventually, there comes a time when everything feels okay. The person who hates is the one who loses. In this all-too-short life, we should love a little more.

Jung Jiwoo, cultural critic and lawyer