[Book Excerpt] Daughters Grow Up Consuming Their Mother's Emotions

Editor's NoteSome sentences encapsulate the essence of an entire book, while others instantly resonate with readers and create a connection with the text. Here, we introduce such meaningful excerpts from the book.

This is the revised edition of "Daughters Grow Up Consuming Their Mother's Emotions," a book that has captivated the hearts of countless women. The author has added stories about working through the pain between tens of thousands of mothers and daughters she met after the first edition was published. The book explores why mothers and daughters often become entangled in relationships of love and hate, the reasons behind emotional inheritance, and how to prevent a mother's "emotional poison" from being passed on to her daughter.

Boys tend to perceive their mothers as a part of themselves, so even after becoming adults, they may view their wives or partners as an extension or a part of themselves, often acting as if their partner's sacrifices or devotion are only natural. Because of this, when raising both daughters and sons, mothers often find that their daughters quickly recognize and respond to their needs first. Mothers also tend to see this as a natural phenomenon and may subtly demand more from their daughters than their sons, expecting greater sacrifice and concession. - Page 20, from "Love for the Son, Demands for the Daughter?"

The important thing is the mother's attitude in caring for her child. If the mother is anxious, the child will also be anxious and may even be more overwhelmed by that anxiety than the mother herself. This is why it is important for mothers to recognize and manage the true nature of their own anxiety. Furthermore, how parents?especially mothers?accept and confront unfortunate situations that have already occurred externally can be a crucial factor in determining whether the child's mental health is stabilized or destabilized. - Page 54, from "Should I Just Go Back into My Mother's Womb?"

If a mother sees that her child is experiencing or thinking distorted or negative emotions, she should end with, "So that's how you feel and think..." The moment value judgments or evaluations are added to those thoughts, the child will find it difficult to accept themselves as they are, more than anyone else. - Page 103, from "Emotions Are Not a Crime"

If you carefully observe how you treat your child, you may discover that you treat them in the same way someone once treated you. If your mother neglected you, you may also easily neglect your own child. If you had a mother who prioritized sons over daughters, even if it was not strictly due to a patriarchal atmosphere, you may also find yourself prioritizing your son. - Page 131, from "If You Look Closely at Yourself, You See Your Mother"

There is something I notice both in my young daughter and in many adult women: in moments of pain and hardship, they want to confirm that they are not alone. Rather than seeking practical solutions, what they truly desire in their most difficult moments is simply to meet a "mother" who recognizes and understands them. - Page 178, from "The Love of a Wounded Mother"

A mother just needs to accept her position as a mother and simply be a mother. A father just needs to accept his position as a father and simply be a father. This does not refer to a position of power. It simply means that each has a different position and hierarchy, and that each accepts the roles that come with their respective positions. Within this separation of roles and parental cooperation, a child can safely establish their own position and develop their own identity. - Page 226, from "A Mother Should Be a Mother, and a Father Should Be a Father"

Jacques Lacan once said, "Love is giving what you do not have." Therefore, the question or resentment of "I never received it, I don't even have it, so how can I give it? What am I supposed to give?" is nothing more than the cry of your younger self, halted at a certain point in time because you were unable to fully mourn what you never received. - Page 250, from "Give What You Wanted from Your Mother as a Child"

Daughters Grow Up Consuming Their Mother's Emotions | Written by Park Wooran | Hyanggi Books | 316 pages | 19,000 KRW