[A Sip of Books] "Ask Questions, Advice Is Less Useful Than You Think"

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The author, a leadership expert who coaches global corporate leaders such as Google, Microsoft, and Pepsi, emphasizes the value of questions. He argues, "Ask questions. Advice is less useful than you think," and advises that the most important role of a leader is the ability to draw out the potential of others through questioning. He explains tips such as how to make a strong impression with the first question, how to elicit more stories, and question techniques that help motivate.

Opening questions in a conversation always help start with a clear focus and open hearts. Questions that open possibilities are the best coaching questions currently available, enhancing the effectiveness of six other types of questions, and leaders can use these questions for self-management. Questions that hit the core and delve into the essence aim to identify the heart of the problem and focus on what truly matters. Lazy questions save the leader’s time, and strategic questions save the time of those working together. Enlightening questions are responsible for concluding coaching and make you feel that the conversation with you was beneficial. -p.29

Contrary to what one might think, the guideline to ‘reduce advice and ask questions’ is quite difficult to practice. Our bodies have deeply ingrained habits of quickly slipping into advisor or expert mode, or into answering/solving/fixing mode. This is not surprising at all. Nowadays, companies emphasize answers and certainty, and as work and life become more complex, many people feel stronger burdens, uncertainty, and anxiety than before. When we sympathize with this reality, our brains show a strong preference for clear and certain targets. Naturally, this leads to a liking for advice. People even feel more comfortable with wrong advice than with vague questions. -p.71

When people talk about the problems they face, you must always remember that it is rarely the real problem. If you rush in to solve it, the train will derail in three ways. First, you wrestle with the wrong problem. Second, you try to do the team’s work yourself. Third, the work itself is not properly handled. -p.88

Coaching that drives performance is usually a term applied to everyday problem-solving management. Coaching that helps development shifts the focus beyond simple problem-solving to the person trying to solve the problem. As mentioned earlier, it is the difference between the fire itself and the person trying to put out the fire. Simply adding ‘for you’ at the end of every question can turn everyday conversations from performance-oriented to development-oriented. Of course, problems to solve still exist. But adding ‘for you’ often prompts individuals to generate additional insights, which leads to growth and improved capabilities. -p.99

“The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that both parties understand each other.” It is common for participants in a conversation to mistakenly believe they know what the other wants, which often leads the conversation astray. But there is hope. Understanding that wants and needs are different allows the ship to set sail more smoothly. -p.114

Your mind is stormed with distracting thoughts. You worry about what to ask next. Or you think about how to wrap up the conversation quickly. You might be concerned whether you are the cook tonight, if there is enough garlic in the pantry, or what you need to buy on the way home. Either way, you must break free from repetitive and meaningless habits. The most effective action after asking a question is to genuinely listen to the answer. Friend, I hope you keep showing curiosity. -pp.148-149

Saying “no” to a request is always uncomfortable because the object of refusal is actually a person. Nowadays, people are so interconnected that misunderstandings often arise, such as crushing someone’s hopes, stabbing someone in the back, or being perceived as harshly abandoning someone. In a world where “if it doesn’t work, make it work,” there is one secret. As discussed in the context of ghost coaching, create a ‘third entity’ that is not a person and say “no” to that. For example, write the other party’s request on paper or a flip chart and point to it while saying, “I’m sorry, but this cannot be accommodated.” This is better than saying, “I’m sorry, but I cannot fulfill your request.” Say “yes” to the person, but “no” to the work. -pp.162-163

“Creation is the act of making (and sharing) your own connections between new ideas and existing ideas. ... When you try to generate knowledge by spending time and striving to find answers, rather than simply reading some knowledge, your memory improves.” Simply put, the effect of advice has been overestimated. To be clear, the likelihood of advice reaching the hippocampus area of the brain that encodes memory is limited. But if I ask questions and you generate answers yourself, that likelihood greatly increases. -p.177

If you make these seven core questions part of your everyday repertoire or conversation topics while managing people, you will be able to work less hard but exert great influence, gain a good reputation from subordinates and superiors, and achieve good results in your career and life overall. I firmly believe that. But the real secret lies in cultivating the habit of curiosity. If you want to bring about the most helpful and powerful change yourself, do this: reduce advice and increase curiosity. Find your own questions, your own voice. And above all, develop your own coaching habit. -p.194

Leadership Questioning Skills | Michael Bungay Stanier | LeadersBook | 208 pages | 17,000 KRW