[One Thousand Characters a Day] The 'Language of Relationships' That Understands the Heart <2>

Editor's NoteParents who form secure attachments with their children, couples whose love deepens over time, friends who support each other, and colleagues who communicate and cooperate well at work... What do people with good relationships have in common? They do not hastily judge others or guess based on subtle cues; instead, they understand others through conversations that 'empathize with the heart' by observing words, actions, situations, and contexts. The ability to empathize with the heart is closely related to adult attachment styles. When parents 'mirror' their child's feelings?showing 'this is your feeling'?the child steadily forms a foundation for reciprocal relationships. So, can people who have not formed secure attachments empathize with the heart? Not necessarily. As 'becomings,' humans can achieve 'acquired secure attachment' by encountering a second attachment figure or through continuous self-reflection such as reading and writing. Word count: 914.

What stands out in this experiment is the child's behavior, who, unable to endure the mother's expressionless face, tries in every way to elicit a response from her. The child strives with their whole body to attract the mother's attention. In children who do not receive mirroring, 'reverse mirroring' may appear.

Reverse mirroring refers to a situation where the child does not receive responses to their signals and wavelengths from the parent but instead tries to adjust themselves to the parent's signals and wavelengths. For example, the child consciously acts to attract the parent's attention, forces a smile, constantly watches the parent's mood, behaves in ways that make the parent comfortable, and pretends to be unbothered even when uncomfortable, all to fit the parent. They may even comfort the parent by hugging or patting them. The roles are reversed. Childhood 'reverse mirroring' tends to be reproduced in adult relationships. Such individuals often do not know or value their own feelings and desires but prioritize the other person's feelings.

Healthy adult relationships are formed based on horizontality and reciprocity. In contrast, unhealthy adult relationships are always unbalanced. Some people do not empathize with their own feelings at all but only with the other's, while others are the exact opposite. All are failures of empathizing with the heart. Unlike other-oriented empathy, empathizing with the heart emphasizes the 'balance' between self and relationships. However, other-centeredness does not simply arise from immaturity. It may be a survival strategy that children adapt to psychologically survive when they do not receive mirroring. To move beyond other-centeredness, mourning and healing of childhood deprivation and wounds must come first.

Good relationships do not develop through one-sided sacrifice and patience. When both parties can empathize with each other's hearts, the relationship becomes good. Empathizing with one's own heart as one does with the other's and finding balance is true 'empathizing with the heart.'