[Book Sip] I Became a 'Saenghwal Babo'... Took a Loan and Bought a House in Tongyeong

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The author confesses that staying in a small house in Tongyeong, given by a mentor, was the turning point for falling in love with Tongyeong. The sound of chopping fish on a cutting board, the dialect of the ladies calling customers, and the splashing water sounds blend together in Tongyeong, a place where life moves fast, busy, and orderly. Traveling back and forth between Seoul and Tongyeong, the author was captivated by nature and eventually purchased a house in Tongyeong. The author says, “I wanted to wake up and gaze at that old tree outside the window for a long time.” From the days of poverty in his twenties, when he longed for a room of his own to write freely, he found and gathered himself in the home he prepared even by taking out loans. The author, who had become a ‘life fool’ buried in work, says Tongyeong became a breathing hole for him and introduces Tongyeong. The book is also filled with various food stories, from the refreshing sirakguk at Seohosi Market, seafood ramen and pajeon eaten while waiting for the boat back from Manjaedo, to the clear broth seafood jjambbong of Saryangdo that washes away hangovers.

At that time, I was unstable in both work and life, unable to plant my feet firmly on the ground, drifting and floating. The studies I started late were too idealistic, while my life was too realistic in comparison. Unable to mediate between the two, I bent like a reed here and there. Sometimes I wanted to go to graduate school, sometimes I wanted a regular job, and sometimes I wanted to live as a recluse. I had many things I wanted to achieve, but lacked the strength to accomplish them. - From "Prologue"

One new realization: by looking at nature, I can tell the state of my mind. When I live rushed by work and life, my bodily senses dull, but entering nature seems to revive the muscles of my timid heart. When the heart muscles become flexible, I become kind to those around me and more generous to myself. - From "Prologue"

My vow is to relax. To loosen stiff shoulders, stop thinking, eat well, and sleep well. I want to do the things I’m worst at here. - From "Yonghwasa"

There must be a reason why someone lies around like a person who lost willpower, unable to do the tasks they set. When the body refuses to obey despite having many things to do, lazily procrastinating, or feeling endlessly sleepy even after enough sleep, or not wanting to wash up despite having plans. When will and condition differ, I turn my heart toward understanding rather than self-blame. There must be a reason. Since body and mind are not aligned, the balance of this situation is broken, so it’s time to examine whether it’s the body or the mind, I whisper to myself. - From "Sebyung-gwan"

Past events were each intense, hard, difficult, uncomfortable, and regrettable, but after passing, they become blurry. They just become scenery. The texture of the wood of this floor where I sit, the blowing wind, the passing thoughts tapping lightly?all these come to me importantly in the present. When I leave this place, Sebyung-gwan will also become part of that scenery. So I think, I want to live my present calmly and peacefully. - From "Sebyung-gwan"

The greatest luxury in Tongyeong is nature. Forests and trees (camellia forests, pine trees, and cypress trees form the woods), the blue and silver hairtail-colored sea of the South Sea, islands and parks (the views of Yi Sun-sin Park and Dalmaji Park are truly splendid), the morning and evening sun viewed along the coast by walking or driving. All this nature sweeps away the emptiness lodged in my heart. - From "Luxury"

Better than happiness is goodness. Happiness is burdensome. When happy, you have to protect that happiness, and if you fail, you become anxious about becoming unhappy. Happiness seems not to come easily but is something won through tremendous effort. Goodness is manageable. When good, you say you’re good because you like it, and saying you’re good makes it better. So I think I rest better when I’m good than when I’m happy. Goodness can be happy and sad, comfortable and anxious, abundant and scarce, satisfying and lacking. When happiness is full, it’s hard to breathe. When good, you breathe through the gaps, through that deficiency. (...) I feel good when I find a reality that fits my mind and body. I crave a state of not being anxious more than a happy state. - From "Island"

When leaving the real estate, my mentor comforted me that I bought well, but I was dazed. If someone asked why I bought this house, I had to answer because of the tree. It felt like the tree understood my heart. It felt like the tree comforted me. Looking around, I don’t think many people buy houses for reasons like mine. - From "Muyongi"

What did I do? Buying this apartment four hours away from home in the south, even taking out loans because my money wasn’t enough. We are not wealthy. Even the villa we live in now has considerable loans, and we have to pay off debts. But in the car on the way home, instead of worry, I felt proud. I thought I did well. For the first time in my life, I spent money on myself. I didn’t pay off debts, nor did I spend money unfairly. I have a space just for me in a distant seaside village. I’m excited. A house of my own that I wanted since my twenties. How much I longed for a space where I could go down anytime to work if time allowed. - From "Muyongi"

Larch. Also called nakyeopsong (meaning a pine tree that sheds leaves). Its origin is Japan. During the Japanese colonial period, it was widely used as street trees and for railway tracks, but now it’s considered a useless tree, so most have been cut down and disappeared. We decided to name the larch. Muyong (無用) means useless. But it is useful to us. The usefulness (有用) of uselessness. Shortened to Muyong. Thus, the three larch brothers were named Muyongi. When I go down to Tongyeong, the first thing I do is go to the balcony and greet Muyongi. “Muyongi, have you been well? Any trouble? Did you fight with your brothers?” I even confide my worries to the elder Muyongi, who is much older than me. - From "Muyongi"

When I take on work, I check the steps to completion, working at dawn, skipping lunch, working, working even during family events, and sometimes working in my dreams. If you only work, your body becomes a working body. If you focus on work, skip meals, endure sleepiness, or accumulate fatigue without resting, the working body cannot eat, sleep, or rest properly. The working body is optimized only for work and rejects other functions. Then you feel sleepy day and night, lack energy, and become depressed. Then you realize you might die from working. It sounds like an exaggeration, but the body in your forties sends such signals. - From "Life Fool"

In the past, I put effort into hiding or filling deficiencies. I tried to look good to people far away rather than those close to me. I tried to appear better to others than myself. I was so busy filling knowledge that I neglected feeling wisdom. I was stingy in opening my ears and eyes to sense changes in nature and time. (...) “I dance when I dance, and sleep when I sleep.” I think I understand a bit of what Montaigne meant by this. It seems to mean living in the now, the present. Living as you want, as you think. - From "Life Fool"

Work when working, play when playing. Like Montaigne! It’s okay to cook without cleaning the kitchen. You don’t have to rush after every relationship. Those who like me will like me, and those who dislike me will dislike me. I understand there are many things I can’t do no matter how hard I try. Ah, I want to escape being a life fool. I want to be someone who lives with both body and mind. (...) The most important thing! Even if you can’t live properly, don’t torment yourself. Don’t give up a healthy life. If you can’t do it today, do it tomorrow. Don’t forget that yesterday is not the only life, today is life, and tomorrow is life too. - From "Life Fool"

Teacher Jeon Young-ae has devoted her passion and labor not only for herself but for someone else over many years, building Goethe Village. The vow of Yeo-bae (empty space) is to come to Seowon (Confucian academy), stay, feel nature, compose poetry, read books, and enjoy art generously. It’s a selflessness that not just anyone can do. Is this possible? “Having lived, I find that living rightly is okay. You don’t lose out,” she says. - From "Seowon"

There is something different from when I first wrote this book. When depression comes, I consider it just one episode of depression now, and when lethargy comes, I consider it just one episode of lethargy. One episode of depression is not all depression, and one episode of lethargy is not all lethargy. They are distinctly different. Their weight and depth differ. Since it’s today’s depression, today’s lethargy, I think about how to persuade that unwelcome guest to leave my house. (...) Before, when depression came, I worried about past, present, and future depression and couldn’t do anything. Captured by self-blame, lethargy, and anxiety, I wandered outside looking for something stimulating to temporarily escape. Now, when such feelings come, I accept that it’s time for me to rest, to let go of what I’m holding onto, and to stop. It’s okay to rest for a while. It’s okay to let go. - From "Epilogue"

My Hands Told Me | Written by Lee Jeong-hwa | Chaeknamul | 256 pages | 16,700 KRW