[Non-Marriage Era] People Who Need to Be 'Extremely' Lucky to Get Married

⑥ LGBTQ Couples 'Legally Unmarried' Despite Living Together
Emergency Surgery Guardians Focused on 'Blood Relatives'
Reality of Losing Jointly Purchased Apartments

Editor's NoteIn a world where marriage is not mandatory, meeting someone who chooses to remain single is no longer a strange experience. Who chooses to remain single, and why? The issue is not only the societal prejudices surrounding singlehood. There is also a vague admiration directed at it. We examine the pros and cons of the so-called 'single life.'

In the early morning of October 30, 2013, a woman in her 60s, Ms. Kim, ended her life by suicide on the 20th floor of an apartment in Buk-gu, Busan. She left behind only a note that read, "Please donate my organs to Mr. Heo." Kim and Heo, who had been high school classmates, had lived as common-law partners for 40 years.

Their relationship deteriorated when Heo was diagnosed with terminal cancer in August of the same year. More precisely, Kim was kicked out. The apartment they had purchased together with their savings was transferred to Heo’s nephew, a stranger who claimed property rights, and Kim could assert no rights. The nephew even filed charges against Kim for theft and trespassing after she took some daily necessities and valuables they had shared.

The organ donation Kim requested never happened. Her partner Heo had already passed away, with cancer having spread throughout his body. It was a tragic death where she neither received care nor even knew of her beloved partner’s passing.

For LGBTQ couples, meetings, partings, illness, and death come equally. However, in South Korea, where same-sex marriage is not legalized, their love requires 'proof' each time.

How long they have been together, how deeply involved they are in each other's lives, or how much they contributed to each other's assets does not matter. When young and healthy, there is no problem, but when they grow old or fall ill and need institutional benefits, they cannot cross the legal boundaries set by the law.

While heterosexual common-law partners can be recognized as a couple under systems such as health insurance dependent registration, same-sex common-law partners cannot. The National Health Insurance Service recently appealed to the Supreme Court against a lower court ruling that recognized the health insurance dependent status of a same-sex spouse, arguing that same-sex partnerships cannot be recognized as common-law relationships.

Special benefits like newlywed rental loans are out of the question for LGBTQ couples. Even if they live together, they are 'legally single' on paper. In statistics showing that 33.4% of all households in the country are single-person households, various household types such as cohabiting friends or common-law partners are invisible and overlooked. They are all lumped together as 'single-person households by choice.'

[Image source=Pixabay]

Compared to Ms. Kim, a woman nicknamed Candy (42) was lucky. During a one-hour interview with Asia Economy on the 4th, the phrase she repeated most was, "I was lucky." Candy was able to be present at her same-sex partner’s (referred to as 'partner' hereafter at their request) deathbed and play a practical role as the chief mourner greeting visitors at the funeral, thanks to the consideration of Partner A’s mother.

But the hospital was different. They asked about their relationship, told her to bring family, and said explanations must be given to family. Under current medical law, the 'legal representative' who can receive explanations about surgery and sign consent forms on behalf of the patient is legally family.

Considering the patient’s inability to make decisions, a legal guardian is necessary, but because Candy was not a blood relative, despite living together for over 10 years, she could play no role in that situation. If the patient could sign the consent form, there would be no problem, but if the condition worsened rapidly or an emergency occurred, Candy would find it difficult to become the guardian.

"If we were married, if I were a son-in-law or daughter-in-law, I would naturally be the guardian, but what could I say there?"

The situation became even more complicated when entering the hospice ward. Hospice is for patients whose condition is incurable despite long-term treatment. At that time, during the COVID-19 outbreak, only one legal guardian was allowed to enter the hospice, and naturally, that was Partner A’s mother. Candy had cared for A and researched hospitals and hospices, but before the law, she could not assert her rights.

Candy's partner Mr. A passed away in June 2021. Mr. A's grave. [Image provided by Candy]

What scared Candy the most was the phone. "I was scared. What if I just stayed still, unable to enter the hospice where my partner was hospitalized, and then got a call saying A had died? Even scarier was if the call never came." Candy feared a situation where A’s mother would not inform her of the death, leaving her unaware of her beloved partner’s passing.

In the early morning of June 10, 2021, Partner A passed away with his mother and Candy watching over him. Fortunately, A’s mother recognized Candy’s role as a long-time caregiver. Thanks to this, Candy was able to help with sorting personal belongings, arranging the funeral, and wearing mourning clothes to greet visitors at the funeral.

There was no formal procedure for parting. They did not live together, and Candy had no desire to claim rights over A’s property. However, this experience made Candy think deeply. "What if A had written a will, and I had claimed rights as a spouse?"

"Whether homosexual or heterosexual, many people form diverse family types, but they are being left out too much. It’s not just a matter of statistical omission; these people become invisible in society, invisible in policies, and they actually do not enjoy what they should naturally have. They are being pushed out of society. The reason they cannot be visible is very clear. Because when I reveal myself, I am not comfortable or safe; I could be hated and discriminated against." (Candy’s explanation)

Wedding photo of Mr. Kim Gyu-jin and his spouse. [Image provided by Mr. Gyu-jin]

Ms. Kim Gyu-jin (31) was also lucky. Her only misfortune was that she was born in South Korea, where same-sex marriage is not legalized, despite wanting to marry her beloved 'eonni' (a term Kim uses to refer to her spouse).

However, Gyu-jin and her eonni were proficient in English, could find information about overseas same-sex marriage online, and were planning a trip to the United States. They married in New York, receiving a declaration of marriage and a marriage certificate. Her company, more open than others, granted six days of honeymoon leave and a congratulatory gift of 500,000 won.

Still, in South Korea, Seoul, they are legally considered '30s single-person households by choice' on paper.

On their first wedding anniversary, they went to register their marriage but were, of course, rejected. Current law recognizes only heterosexual unions as marriage. After waiting 3 hours and 40 minutes following submission, Gyu-jin received a rejection notice stating, "Marriage between same-sex persons cannot be accepted under current law," along with the returned marriage registration form.

The rejection notice meant their marriage could not be legally protected. So Gyu-jin and her wife wrote wills.

"Usually, everything is fine while you are young and healthy. The problem arises when you are unhealthy or old. So I wrote a handwritten will. Family might claim inheritance rights, but otherwise, it should go to the spouse."

Kyujin is having a video interview with Asia Economy on the 4th. Photo by Hyunju Park phj0325@

"Actually, I married your mom with the same surname and clan. Because my maternal grandfather strongly opposed it, I even told people my clan was different. But now, 30 years later, who talks about same-surname and clan marriage? Same-sex marriage will be nothing 30 years from now." (From Gyu-jin’s book 'Eonni, Will You Marry Me?' quoting Gyu-jin’s father)

Both Candy and Gyu-jin were extremely lucky. Although they could not become 'legally married' domestically, Candy had the consideration and recognition of her partner’s mother, and Gyu-jin had language skills and access to information. Had they been unlucky, they would not have been able to be present at their partner’s deathbed or live together as married couples.

Public support for legalizing same-sex marriage has steadily increased. In May 2021, Gallup Korea surveyed 1,001 people aged 18 and over about legalizing same-sex marriage, with 38% in favor, 52% opposed, and 11% undecided. Previous surveys showed support rates of 17% in 2001, 25% in 2013, and 35% in 2014.

How long must sexual minorities rely solely on someone’s consideration and luck? If same-sex marriage is legalized, or if the alternative of a domestic partnership law is introduced, will the day come when they can assert their rights without relying on others’ kindness or fortune? Both believe that same-sex marriage will be legalized in the near future.