After My Child's Coming Out, I Also Grow: 'The Road to You' [Joohee Kang's Video Prism]

Movie About LGBTQ Parents 'Neoege Ganeun Gil'
"Living in a World Like This..." Projected Mothers

Movie still from "The Way to You". / Photo by Et9 Film

Editor's Note How do you remember that scene? Have you ever suddenly recalled a moment from a movie? This is likely because films are closely connected to our lives. Movies offer another perspective on reality. We bring you various viewpoints on reality by highlighting a single scene from a film.

[Asia Economy Reporter Kang Juhee] "My son is gay." "My child is an FTM (Female to Male) transgender."

Two mothers, Nabi and Vivian (pseudonyms), who are active in the 'Parents of Sexual Minorities Group,' introduce their children this way. Although this phrase is now familiar, the process of saying it with a smile and confidence was not easy. They thought they knew everything about their child. It took a long time for the two mothers to realize that their child could be the very target of society's contempt and hatred, and that their child had been fighting a lonely battle alone in such a world. However, Nabi and Vivian have now become 'fighters' wearing rainbow bracelets on their wrists, standing up against a world filled with discrimination and hatred. Directed by Byun Gyuri, the documentary 'The Road to You' captures the process of these two mothers proudly declaring themselves as 'parents of sexual minorities.'

The Day They Received the Coming-Out Letter

Vivian, a flight attendant with 28 years of experience, meets many people due to her job. Occasionally, she encountered couples who appeared to be homosexual. She vaguely knew that sexual minorities existed in the world, but never once thought that her own family could be one of them?until her son Yejun came out as gay one day.

Vivian cannot forget the moment she saw Yejun's coming-out letter. Outwardly, she tried to appear okay, but inside, a whirlwind of confusion raged. For several days, she could neither eat nor stop crying. She even blamed herself, saying to Yejun, "I'm sorry for giving birth to you unhappily." At that time, she did not realize how hurtful those words were to Yejun.

Nabi, a firefighter with 34 years of experience, was equally confused when her child Hangyeol, whom she had always thought was a daughter, came out as a transgender man. At first, she could not understand Hangyeol's wish to become a man. She did not even know what being transgender meant. She thought, "Maybe she wants to be a man because society discriminates against women and it's hard to live as a woman." She denied and rejected Hangyeol's wish to undergo gender reassignment surgery. At that time, she did not realize that such thoughts were common prejudices about transgender people. "Actually, I just didn't know my child well," Nabi reflects on herself at that time.

Movie still from "The Way to You". / Photo by Et9 Film

The Identity of Being a Parent of Sexual Minorities

After their children came out, Nabi and Vivian joined the Parents of Sexual Minorities Group and saw that many parents were going through the same confusion. They learned that there are diverse gender identities beyond simply 'male' or 'female,' and that relationships are not only between men and women or women and men. It was a process of discarding many norms they had believed to be right and the prejudices they held themselves.

For example, Nabi initially thought Hangyeol was a lesbian, not a transgender man. So, on the first day she attended the Parents of Sexual Minorities Group, she introduced herself as "the mother of lesbian Hangyeol." Hangyeol immediately corrected her, saying, "My mom thinks I'm a lesbian, but I am a transgender man." Nabi learned for the first time then that what matters is how one defines their own identity, regardless of whether they have had gender reassignment surgery or not.

The film mainly deals with the process of Nabi and Vivian learning about sexual minorities. While sexual minorities themselves need courage to come out, parents also need to make another resolution to identify themselves as 'parents of sexual minorities.' Facing a new world is frightening and difficult, but the two mothers do not stop this work.

At first, it was something they started to better understand their children. But later, they became convinced that this was the right thing to do. They believe that no one should be discriminated against in society because they are sexual minorities, and everyone should have the right to live as they wish. When you think about it, this is a very natural idea. People who come to the Parents of Sexual Minorities Group each experience slightly different situations, but they all share this common understanding.

Movie still from 'The Way to You'./Photo by Et9 Film

Parents Taking to the Streets

On the day of the 1st Incheon Queer Culture Festival, the two mothers faced protesters opposing the festival. Harsh and cold hateful words toward sexual minorities were fired like cannonballs. The protesters held signs saying "No gay gene," "Oppose because we love," and shouted fiercely, "Go home!", "Why are you here?", "Homosexuality is illegal," and some even resorted to physical violence. It felt like entering a completely different world from the Parents of Sexual Minorities Group, where they shared worries, comfort, and advice.

Nabi recalls that day: "There were so many police officers in broad daylight, yet it was a world where people could beat others so freely just because they were sexual minorities. If parents came here, they would be scared and tell their children never to come again. But people are not like that. I thought, 'Are children living in such a world? As parents, we have to fight.' " Nabi and Vivian hugged many sexual minorities who participated in the festival that day.

Movie still from 'The Way to You'./Photo by At Nine Films

The two mothers say that fighting against the world is not only for their children. Beyond just learning about sexual minorities they previously did not know well, they feel every time that they themselves have changed through the process of understanding the relationship between parents and children and what family should be. In that sense, this film is about sexual minorities and also a film about personal growth.

The ending credits of 'The Road to You' succinctly convey the film's message. Parents of sexual minority children come forward one by one and introduce themselves and their children by saying, "My child is a sexual minority." The message is that children are not subordinate to their parents but that they recognize each other's existence as they are. Just as everyone wants to live a happy life, sexual minorities also have the right to happiness. Parents continue to come out to the world?not just for their children but for a better world and rightful rights.